I keep chasing after a happiness that i’m starting to think i’ll never reach.

I wish I could tell my little sister how much I loved her, and how it’s not fair she left me alone in life. I don’t understand death. Im so angry with her for choosing to leave me, but I feel guilty for being mad. My heart hurts

i never know if protecting myself and my peace means telling someone to stop talking as their words send me into spiral or continuing to listen so i won't have to deal with conflict

i lost a child when i was 21, i’m 26 now. i didn’t want it so i did a bunch of drugs to terminate the pregnancy. now that time has passed i regret that with every fiber of my being. me and the father eventually broke up but that makes me feel even more remorse as i still love him. we had this unshakable feeling it was a boy. to my son, i’m so, so sorry.

i miss when i didn’t care about others’ perceptions of me. now i feel like i’m an empty vessel who bases her self-esteem on others’ opinions of her.

My grandma’s been gone for almost a year now. I still feel immense guilt for not going over to her house to help with my cousins a week before she was hospitalized. I never got to hear her voice again. The last time I saw her she was hooked up to so many machines that she could only listen. I should’ve been there for her more. I hope she knows how much I love and cherish her. Always thinking of her🩷

I hate that so many people have hurt me the exact way they said they wouldn't.

Everyday I think about reaching out to you, because I miss you. Yet, i stop myself because my heart cannot take one more heartbreak from you. I truly love you and I hope one day you’ll come back.

How am I ever supposed to forgive myself if I can’t even forgive people who have done the exact same thing? I am simply a monster. Through and through.

I only ever wanted to love you forever…

I’m tired of trying to make everyone happy

it is really true that once you tasted it, you can't stop it; especially when it's a thing you desired the most. it drives me crazy... there's nothing i could do about it. not receiving a high honors this grading feels like a dead end.

I’ve become nothing. I am afraid to accept that this is my reality and to that I am alone. I'm afraid to accept that I'm not important. I don't feel like anything matters anymore. I just want all the pain to end.

i think we all live in blissful ignorance as children. or i hope we all do. sometimes i wish for one day, i could get rid of everything bad i know, and be a child in that bedroom again. I miss the wood lined walls, the echo of laughter. The ghosts left behind of me, i crave to retrace my steps.

I love you. Not the same way I did, and you treated me poorly at some points, but I still do. You taught me so much, and I wish I could tell you how grateful I am for you, but I can’t. You’re no longer a major part my life, but you will always be a part of my heart.

I struggle with seeking for constant validation which leads to me oversharing (esp. with strangers) and at the same time I struggle with building walls around myself because I fear disapproval so much - a paradox enabled by my low self-esteem and the fact that I have no idea who I actually am or want to be

Impulsivity is something I struggle with immensely. It’s hard to accept that people fell victim to my behavior. I’m sorry.

I wish you knew how important you are to me :)

in the words of Jack Twist— “ I wish I knew how to quit you. “

i would rather die remembering the things I shouldn’t than remember none of them at all

Im here to prove them that whatever u face will end in the mean time

this will be the last time that i will talk about them, nor try to think about them. i think its time for me to let go of those wonderful memories that i know myself will never come back. everyone had already outgrew me and i think that’s the end of this friendship with them. it was a wonderful year spent with them, and i’m forever grateful to have friends like them. i hope they do win in life cause i’ll be rooting for them. and i hope they find peace and harmony in whatever they do. thank you all.

I fantasize about terrible things happening to me in hopes that it will bring you back into my life

i really wanted that job badly. i may act im fine but im not

I’m tired of constantly being told to “be mentally tough.” I’ve pushed myself to endure everything for so long that I didn’t even realize I was already invalidating my own feelings. Now, all that suppressed exhaustion and pain is catching up to me, and it’s affecting me both mentally and physically.

nakakatakot na hindi ako kamahal mahal

I'm exploring, I'm learning, I'm loving life again.

you said it was all on me and I believed you. I still do

hanggang kailan ba ako magpapanggap na okay na ako?

sometimes i look at my mother and see someone who loves me, other times i look at her and see a heartless human being with intentions to harm others. everyday i wake up scared to see who i'll face that day - her daughter

Some nights I look at the glow in the dark stars on my ceiling and am afraid of dying in my sleep.

Hi, kuya geloy!!! U inspire me so much, especially in times when no one believes in the things I can do. Hope someday, I will be good enough at the things I love. May God bless u.

You make me feel something while I'm trying to run away from it, when I'm trying to be numb. And now I kept on looking back to you as I try to leave. I kept on stepping closer, over and over, because to be honest, I fear loosing you. If you need someone, I've been always here waiting for your knocks. I'm always here for you. miss na kita pls, kamustahin mo naman ako oh hahahahaha. ako nalang kase bai kung ako yan e.

i want to tell you what’s in my heart, but i’m scared you’ll leave after hearing it.

It's easy to say "just get over it", but you don't really know what goes through someone's mind to actually try to move on from it.

I'm transgender. Maybe one day I'll say it but for now I sit and day dream about what it would be like to be in the right body.

i never really knew how to say this to you but i’m sorry for all the things i did. i hurt you, and i know you can never forgive me, but you still are in my dreams. and sometimes i still hope i’m in yours too.

I don't care how much God claims to love me, younger me did not deserve everything I was put through.

think everyone should go through cancer once in their life yep, i said it earlier while pouring my thoughts out to my boyfriend i had leukemia. four years of chemo and lately life has been so loud and chaotic that i caught myself thinking about those days again - being stuck in a hospital bed, waiting for my family to feed me, bathe me, take care of me. completely dependent on them and i know how selfish that sounds because back then, while i was going through cancer, the only thing on my plate was getting better. that was it. my family carried everything else for me. they were the ones fighting beside me in ways i probably still can’t fully understand now life is different. i have two jobs, i went back to college, i live alone, and i still go to monthly checkups. everything feels fast all the time and some days it gets heavy in a way i don’t really know how to explain so when i think about that hospital bed, i don’t miss the cancer itself. i miss the pause. the simplicity of only having one job: survive the day. no pressure to figure out the future. no pretending to have everything together i’ll always be grateful i made it through but surviving cancer doesn’t mean life suddenly becomes easier after. sometimes it just changes the kind of tired you carry

I wish I said sorry to my mum, she sat by my bedside after every attempt I had, listening to my heart moniter flatline on 3 separate occasions, she stayed through it all and I never said sorry for putting her through that

I just wish I could be in a room with you, and ask you questions like nothing else in the world matters. Like your favorite color and things about your past and secrets you’ve kept. I miss you and I don’t even know you. I want you so bad. I wish I could tell you everything. I wish I could look into your eyes right now and just tell you everything I’m feeling. I really do want to be loved by her. It’s really hard being around you when there’s so much I want to say but too scared to say anything. You’ll never know how much I love you, how much I want you to hold me.

Moving forward yet always left behind

i can’t move past the things my mom put me through because she will never give me an actual apology. it’s gotten so bad she tries to have a relationship with me but i just hate everything she does.

dear mom, i used to over hear dad yelling at you over the phone because he felt like he had to force you to call me and check in. that made me feel so unwanted.

I hate you mom for not caring

Little me would have never imagined that all I could ever want now, all grown up, is just a hug from my Dad. He passed away almost 2 years ago.

I do a lot of things for people, even if I know they wouldn't do the same for me. And we're all best friends.

The way you looked at me when you understood it's over....

when I was with you I was bright golden like the sun

I truly loved a girl, did tell her enough how much I loved her. She suddenly left me with silent, I suddenly realised how much I hurt her and it caused me the pain to death too.

There's no more. No more stars in my eyes. No more butterflies in my stomach. No more glitter that I see around you. I see you for what you are now. You've hurt me. You ruined my peace. It sucks. I just want myself back.

Did you feel that we were soulmates? Because I did. But the way you left makes me think that either you didn’t or you did and were too scared to admit it. I’m not sure what’s worse.

I hate how we were limited to a few places where our love can exist.

i chose to hand over the sweetest love I’ve ever experienced to someone else. I wanted to do it for her sake, but now I feel so empty without her. The worst part is, that I’ll never know if I was right or wrong.

sa tatay kong ibinigay kmi sa ibang family, thankful ako sa gnawa kahit may kunting galit pa sa puso ko.

The other day my significant other got blackout drunk and told me that other women can do better things for him. And I have never felt so alone in my life in that moment. He swears he doesn’t remember saying it. But it broke my heart and I’ll never forget it. I don’t think I can forgive him.

I have always believe in you ever since we were kids. You've always been special. Not everyone is going to hurt you and leave, learn to embrace your vulnerability too. Even if you pushed me away, I will still be here to support you from the distance. Wala ka nang kailangan patunayan, Dom. You're doing well. Hope you get your fuel back. Cant wait to see you ignite once again. 🤍

im also tired of myself

I hate being insecure with my body. It's sad that everytime I look in the mirror — all I see is a teenage girl that hate every part of her body.

You deserve friendships that don’t make you question your place

I’m tired of constantly being told to “be mentally tough.” I’ve pushed myself to endure everything for so long that I didn’t even realize I was already invalidating my own feelings. Now, all that suppressed exhaustion and pain is catching up to me, and it’s affecting me both mentally and physically.

I wish I had support from you even when I was at my lowest and not just when I was doing well.

I feel like am not mentally ill enough to get diagnosed.

everything hurts…

i hate that you have a perfect relationship with my siblings, but you left me broken and crying out for help. i never understood what i did to deserve the anger you released onto me. is that how all mothers act? i hide in the shadows to remain unseen and unheard so you don’t hurt me anymore.

Im tired of all of this is wish everything will be OK :>>>

I’ll never understand how you could pick him over your own offspring. We were children and needed you. Now it’s too late.

i’d promised myself not to, but sometimes i wish we’d never met at all. maybe then i wouldn’t be hurting as much as i am now.

Hey...!! Mi Vida i still love you even though you hurt me

here’s what i’m thinking, i respect what you think of yourself because you know yourself better, you do you. but i think that you don’t have an avoidant attachment, you are not one of a kind of those attachers, you just simply can’t reciprocate what i feel toward you and that’s totally fine. now, this is what i’ve learned lately—i realized that i’m one of those anxious attachers and i’ve realized too that i might been draining myself for chasing you and doing everything that i can to make you feel lovable, enough, suffice or whatever just to make you stay, or i might been draining you for chasing you either, i’ve been overthinking that you might be creating reasons just to push me away, that’s just my thinking but i don’t really want to believe what i think. in addition, i’ve read this somewhere that we need to remember that sometimes we don’t respect other’s boundaries by expecting an exuberant amount of soothing and reassurance which isn’t sustainable or fair on the other person, which is very true and i couldn’t agree more. i can feel people pulling away from me because of my anxious attachment style where i take everything personally and imagine the worst case scenario in every little thing. i wouldn’t either if i were to date somebody with an anxious attachment style.

I'm allowed to be sad too, but I don't think people understand that.

I’m really trying my best to survive my mental health struggles all these years, and it is kinda sad to be hit with reality that the people who knew did not care much. Instead of being asked how I am, the most hurtful thing that was said to me was that most of it was my fault.

I wish I had more time with you Nanay. I wish I had more time to buy your medicine, sleep in your bed with you, buy you any dress u want in this world since I had the adult money na. I miss you so much. We miss you so much. We just wish we had more time…

To my inner child: “I wish you had better parents. Now we don’t have anybody but us, we raised ourselves. Is like today, the chaos in our minds is going to be there forever, the trauma… I’ll make sure we become the adult you needed when you were a child. I’ll make sure of it. Even if it hurts. Love, Demian.”.

I've invested so much guys, disregarded myself to be that friend that is constantly present but here I am doubting and questioning the pain and self-doubt you left me. It still pains me, no matter how much I try to help and better myself. Crying ain't enough.

still here... barely living, just surviving.

i have faced so much, do i not deserve kindness? do i not deserve a modicum of soft reprieve?

I want to crawl out of myself so I can stop hiding behind what I want people to perceive me as.

nakakatakot na hindi ako kamahal mahal

the fear of being a disappointment can do so much to a person

I hope one day I can say I’ve healed from the things that quietly broke me that the past no longer aches within me, and that the pain I carried never became the making of who I am. I hope I become someone who can look back without falling apart, and move forward without the weight of old wounds following me everywhere.

Sometimes when I’m about to sleep I keep thinking of all the words I should’ve said.

You know I'm trying right? I'm still trying to make an effort to be in your life when you were never in mine. I tried because I wanted to try and have a somewhat normal mother-daughter relationship even though you abandoned me to my father when I was 2. Last Sunday it was Mothers Day, I truly hate that day. But I still decided to text you and wish you a "Happy Mother's Day" because it's the right thing to do. Even when I stopped texting you for months to see if you would ever text me first, you never did. At this point, it's a battle between my heart and mind. And this time, I don't think my heart is going to win.

carpe diem, i miss you.

i am so sick of being the person you hurt and not the person i am

I was never afraid of death, maybe part of it was because I have always dreamt of dying early. I remember planning my life, at the age of 8, I have planned my life. I'll be in college by 18, probably will adopt a child and thrive to success, then by 30 I'll die, that's it. But now, I'm 21, still very much single and a very proud tita to my little awesome nieces and nephews... I guess death isn't scary but life's not so bad as well, sometimes when you learned how to live, living isn't as bad as I thought it was. Stay alive, folks. Learn to live :)

I always make sure I am emotionally available to everyone so that no one will feel the helplessness and loneliness I have ever felt. But I am so tired, just so tired.

You're the one I loved the most, I didn't want to let you go but I had to, and you didn't try to keep me..

I feel like everybody hears me, but nobody listens.

i love you but the difference between our families makes it hard to think of a good future for us

i can’t feel anything anymore. i think there might be something fundamentally wrong with me.

I still think about how our life could be if we were together

sometimes i wish i was a boy so she would look at me like she does at stupid boys

my hyper-independence stems from my childhood trauma and it has become so bad that I struggle to make and maintain relationships.

I wish I could forget how much "home" it felt your smell.

To my boyfriend, I love you, so much that I am scared that one day you will just slip away from my arms.

I don’t like you, I don’t like thinking about you, but I can’t help but miss you and I hate that. It’s hard having someone in your life that simultaneously makes you think “nobody would do that for me unless they loved me,” and “nobody would ever do that to me if they actually loved me.” You messed up my perception of what true, caring friendship is supposed to look like and I don’t know if I can ever forgive you for that.

im dying again without knowing why, the worst thing is hindi ko alam saan ako tatakbo.

I dissociate so much I feel like I can hear people’s thoughts. It drives me crazy

Hi geloy, My step brother and cousin raped me. No one knows besides my husband and sister. I haven’t told my mom because I’m afraid she’ll be dissatisfied in that information. All I want is her support. I’m afraid she’d rather sweep it under the rug than comfort her daughter.

in the soft truth beneath it all, u are my achilles' heel. i miss you, nac.

I hate grieving but sometimes I am afraid if I stop, you will be left behind in the past

I am the source of my own unhappiness i wish i could be kinder to myself

Tick Tock. Tick Tock. Tick Tock. I prayed to God that when I never find true love, I will ligate at the age of 27 to end our bloodline. I prayed to God to take my life away at the age of 30. When I'm still stuck here in this cage. When I'm still suffocated from their grip because of their fear of my future just to control me. I want to be free. To end my story early. To end everything and just rest forever. Maybe then, I will get to create my own life that I've always wanted in the afterlife. To be happy and to truly find my true love. Myself... But I couldn't help but to think that it's better to die younger than die older. Not because dying younger is a beauty. But dying younger not to reopen wounds, add more scars, and suffer more in this cruel world filled with unexpected things and broken promises. Dying younger is better than dying older. It's just... it is. I hope you don't have these thoughts the same way as I have. Tick Tock. Tick Tock. Tick Tock.

i wanted you to tell me—and actually mean it—that you got us. that when i was breaking up with you and telling you how drained i was, you’d have said you can carry us out of it while i pick myself up.

When I was a kid, the future seemed so distant. Like I wouldn't even reach it. Then I blinked and now I'm living in it. I just want to be a kid again, it's so lonely here.

I wear so many faces, but the hard thing is none of them are fake

I don’t feel “pretty” or “beautiful.” I know if I took take better care of myself, I would. But I don’t feel like I deserve to take care of myself either. If anything, I’m just pretty decent.

I didn't attend my favorite grandma's wake when she died four years ago and I don't regret it. I just want to remember her as she was, as she was alive. My last memory of her is a happy one. I can only picture her in my head smiling.

To the little one I never got to know, There are moments when thoughts of you come rushing in, and I find myself wondering about the life we could have shared. I think about who you might have become, what your voice would sound like, what little things would have made you smile. Realizing you would be around 7 years old now brings a kind of sadness that quietly stays with me. I want you to know that my decision was never made because you were unwanted or unloved. The truth is, at that time, I was overwhelmed by my circumstances and by the world around me. Deep down, I believed I could not give you the safety, love, and life you deserved, and that belief shaped the hardest decision I have ever made. Even knowing why I made that choice does not erase the grief. I still mourn the possibility of you, the memories we never got to create, and the version of life that will always remain a question in my heart. If love can exist alongside loss, then please know you have always been held in a quiet corner of mine. And I am sorry for the goodbye I never got to say.

i am sorry for all the hurt i have caused you because there was a war in my head

i want to give up but my cats need me

kelan ko ba mararamdaman na nasa tamang lugar ako, pero feeling ko ako lang naman talaga ang makakaalam eh

i wish you loved me too it's been 5 years and you never said back

Can I just say na mahal na mahal ko yung girlfriend ko. Sobra excited na akong tumanda kami nang magkasama. Excited ako sa lahat ng bagay

i'm sorry i hurt you. i'm sorry i wasted all those months and all that time. i mean. you did make me feel smaller than a grain of salt, but on your good days i felt loved. the bad ones i felt forgotten. i just don't understand how you could go without speaking to me while you're struggling when all i wanted was you when i was falling. like you said we had many differences. so my last thing thing to say is thank you. thank you for setting me free to find love that helps me not hurts me. it's a breath of fresh air knowing i'm okay now. but just sucks you're not with me bc we had some great laughs, loves, and cries together. but now it is goodbye. goodbye old lover. i hope you make it someday, somewhere.

I’m tired of people making mental illness their defining personality trait.

"It does get better, just don't leave early" And im feeling better now :)

I hope one day I can say I’ve healed from the things that quietly broke me that the past no longer aches within me, and that the pain I carried never became the making of who I am. I hope I become someone who can look back without falling apart, and move forward without the weight of old wounds following me everywhere.

You're a fraud And they'll find out Don't smile like that Teeth bared Blood stained Gums showing A shark seeking blood Hadn't you had enough from me?

I’m so mad at everyone right now why can things just be cool why am I afraid to tell people things why am I like this, and why does no one notice.

Hi Geloy, I wanted to politely ask if you would like to share this. I find your project so incredibly enriching, my best friend showed it to me in 2021. She cut off contact with me a few months ago and my love is not diminishing. I have processed the loss but still miss her every single day. Losing her was the precipice into the deepest depression I have ever experienced. I had these weird realistic dreams where we talked and felt safe together again. I know she is struggling as well and I hope every day that she is doing better and still lives free like a bird. And I hope someday she will fly back. Until then, I want her to know: I still love you and I will always try to remain your loyal friend despite the pain you caused me.

I hated the way he rubbed in my face that he was going to take his possible new girlfriend out and do the things he'd told me he'd do with me.

I pray that someday we both heal from the things that caused us pain. I’m sorry, Rieve. I truly loved you, and I know I hurt you in ways I never intended to. But there was never someone else. I never loved anyone the way I loved and cared for you — even until now. No other person ever took your place. But I also know I didn’t deserve to be treated that way. Love shouldn’t leave someone hurting this much. I loved you in the best way I knew how, even when it felt like you never really saw or appreciated it. I had so much respect, patience, and grace for you that even your flaws could never lessen the love I was willing to give. I kept adjusting, understanding, and holding on… but somewhere along the way, I started losing myself too. I know you’re hurting, but being hurt shouldn’t mean treating me like this. Love isn’t supposed to feel this painful. And even after everything, my love for you is still here. I just hope you heal from everything weighing on your heart. And if my presence only adds to your pain, then maybe leaving is the kindest thing I can do for you, just so you can finally be happy again. Maybe one day, I’ll also find the kind of love that feels gentle, safe, and appreciated. Until then, I’ll keep loving you quietly from afar and carry it in my heart until it no longer hurts this much.

i just hope one day, you'll treat me the way I wanted to be treated.

I hope you know i loved you, and i never wanted to let you go. I dream about you every night and day.

Somehow I allowed myself to take partial blame and guilt, allowed you to fault me for what was only a reaction to an action. I was the one feeling lonely, even though I had the one person I loved most by my side. I was the one who kept going without dates, without pictures, without moments to show I meant the world to you. In your eyes, we were happy and satisfied. When did this change? When I said it all out loud, even after saying it a million times but with love and care. You were happy because you chose me, married me, held me in the house. You were happy because I was physically there, only for you and to no one else. Brokenhearted, only then did you realize something was wrong. I was crumbling in front of you, knowing this may be the end, but pushing every little piece I had left. The empty feeling, the roommate relationship rather than husband and wife, it all became so painful. Painful to do anything around the house, hurtful to even talk or be touched by you, and exhausting to put effort that is not reciprocated. Suddenly, this weight on my shoulder became heavier. I wasn’t being understood or even forgiven for these hard times. Rather, I carried guilt for every moment I was tired, overwhelmed, and lonely even though you were right next to me. I carried guilt on days the emotional load of the situation took a toll on my physical abilities. The concentration wasn’t on fixing what was destroyed, but was focused on the aftermath of the destruction. I became the wife who doesn’t do anything around the house, the wife who can’t control her emotions, the wife who doesn’t show her feminine side. All this to maintain the image you keep (which is what I fell in love with) and hide the man you truly are with your wife. Even got to the point of messing MY IMAGE with false information to the closest people in my life, how NARCISSISTIC!! The man that chose to keep me and put me under his wing. I wasn’t being shown off or chosen out loud. I was being kept and not chosen every single time. Heck, the cats were more important than the supposed partner sharing life. I was settling for a version of love that kept asking me to shrink my needs. The need to feel seen, the need for effort not perfection, the need for consistency not empty promises, and the need to carry the weight of life together. I feel sad to have put myself through this, not the experience of living life with you (or for you) but for loving you deeply enough to be gentle with it all. Enough to letting you and myself believe that I was in the wrong as much as you were. Not that I am perfect — because no one is — but I was always trying, always becoming a better version of myself, always wanting to live life WITH you. As much as I want to tell you all those unspoken words, as much as I want to thank you. Taking that break and coming back more determined to make this work, only to find you took the love you had me out of your heart. The words “I do not love you anymore”, and “you are now just like any other girl” stabbed me more than anything did in this world. I was not only hurt, but the actions of betrayal somehow became validated. I want to thank you for FINALLY being honest with me. I want to thank you for enlightening me to the true being you are, at least with your wife. My decision became easy here, no matter how much love I carry till this day, simply from these two sentences. I did not marry you to feel alone and I will not be another girl who stayed in a marriage simply for love. Love that practically begged for attention from a love that started from needing control. I love myself too much for that and definitely deserve more than a man who wants me for the wrong reasons. I deserve being in the life and SHARING a life who chooses me EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. And is not afraid to show it. Goodbye and may I see you again in a state where I am better than ever and no longer affected by the songs that play, the images that replay, and the touch that’s felt through every moment remembered. Goodbye to the best and absolute worst thing that has happened to me. :(

“I wish you knew how much your mistakes hurt and still do to this day.”

I yearn for loving. No, not love, but loving. Loving is so inherent to me, I don’t care what my past experiences are, those who stay, I will continue to love, without anything in return. It’s just how I was built. As long as you are with me, as long as you don’t give me a reason not to, as long as you let me, I. WILL. LOVE. because that’s just who I am.

i wish your family loved me more

Oulol

It's harder to force myself not to love her than to come to terms with what she did.

at this point in my life dying isn't sad anymore its more crucial decisions to stop affecting everyone around me especially myself because i cant control it anymore, my state.

hope the light in your eyes never fades.

i've said so often that i'm feeling suicidal, by now no one worries anymore because i've never acted on it.

Every time I get my period, I feel like I'm gonna die. I know it's just because of the NDE last year (2022) from TSS/sepsis, but still....about every two weeks I get an overwhelming sense of dread and fear, like I need to make peace with everything because I'm going to die, even though I logically know I'm not. It scares the hell out of me, and it makes no sense considering I fight off suicidal ideations at least 1-3 times a week. I'm in a situation that's actually healthy, loving, happy, yet I'm almost overwhelmed with the thought that this upcoming period is going to be my end, and I don't know how to get out of this mindset...I'm just so scared....

i hate myself for hating them whenever they bring up things that still haunt me.

i would rather die remembering the things I shouldn’t than remember none of them at all

I am so much wasted potential :/

I’ve let down myself again. And everyone. I can’t finish my degree because of my depression. I feel like I’m failing life. I feel dumb, worthless and invisible. I just want this to end already. It hurts so much. And I can’t get out of it. I just feel like I don’t deserve to be alive. Just a waste of space…

i hope in another life i already know what i really want to pursue.

I’ve been with the man I married for 7 years already, but why do I feel lonely and sad?

I really thought I was just changing and growing up to finally become my true self after you passed. Now I'm starting to think that I'm just afraid of seeing the person you loved so much in the mirror, the person who died that day and was buried with you

Im sorry, my efforts aren't enough for you

Miss na miss na kita Ma. Lalo pa malapit na ang 1st Death Anniversary mo. Sana mabuti din ang sitwasyon niyo ngayong magkasama na kayo ni Papa. Pangako po na titibayan ko para sa mga kapatid ko, sa pamilya ko lalo na sa apo niyo na si Arendelle. Mahal na mahal ko kayo…

You tell me i deserve better, so why can’t you be better?

if i could, i would completely cut off all my family. thats how bad it is.

kung tatanungin ako kung ano gusto ko paglaki noong bata ako, ang isasagot ko ay wala. wala akong maalala. kaya siguro hindi malinaw kung saan ako tutungo ngayon kase bata palang ako ay hindi ko na alam. ewan, tama ba ‘tong sinasabi ko? hindi ko alam. ang alam ko lang ay ok ako ngayon, sa ngayon. pero sa loob loob ko, parang di ako makagalaw, para akong nasa gitna ng isang kwarto na walang laman. walang pintuan. ‘di ako makalabas, ang nararamdaman ko lang ay ang pitik ng puso ko na siyang tanging nagpapaalala saakin na buhay ako.

maybe it was my fault for letting myself fall too hard. i never knew i'd long for you.

i wish i could hate him for what he did to me, but he’s the only dad i’ll ever know

I think i never healed my abandonment issues. Maybe I keep silence about but everytime someone enter the wall I build i always leave first. I don't think i can love anyone because of this trauma i never ask for.

I wish I had fully healed from the wounds that were never entirely my fault. I hope I never become the kind of girl who keeps looking back at the past just to reopen old pain. I want to someday say that I’ve finally healed, truly moved on, and that the things that once hurt me no longer have the power to affect who I am.

i hate how i have developed a false loud rowdy “impulsive” persona to prevent people from getting bored of me and leaving. i wish someone would grab my shoulders and shake some sense into me. i am in no way like this at all. i plan out everything i do, i think before i speak and act. i purposely choose to do the funny things that will get people’s reaction. i wish i wasnt like this. i wish someone would call me out for it and tell me everything is fine and they dont leave me just because im boring and that they like me for who i am. i also feel like everyone hates me and would act weirdly if i suddenly stopped acting like this. i just didn’t have anything to say. what is there to say? one of these days i will run out of jokes to tell and risky things to do. when i do what will i do with myself? i feel like im a ball point pen. im useful (in this case its being funny) until im not. this is the one mask i cannot let go of, despite my desperate attempts. the mask is glued to my face, it’s my whole identity now. my friends, my partner, hell even strangers just see me with this mask. i want to rip this mask off my face but i cant. it’s become part of me. if i discard it then who am i? a aloof quiet random boy? sure i smile and laugh alot even without the mask but is it even worth it? should i just keep the mask on? i don’t know what to do.

my life’s purpose had become to prove to myself that i’m not a waste of space

I am scared of the person i might become if i were ever to cross paths with you again— my rage for you feels like a bottomless pit and the scary part? i hope it swallows me whole.

It took me a while to recognize my burn out from academics. The pandemic affected my learning. It's not in my nature to be lazy and I know this whole thing isn't just an exhaustion. I want to recover and become a stellar student again. But I wonder if I'll have a redemption arc.

i wanted you to tell me—and actually mean it—that you got us. that when i was breaking up with you and telling you how drained i was, you’d have said you can carry us out of it while i pick myself up.

i miss you so much i’m sorry i pretended not to recognize you the last time, i’m scared of the idea of coming back and us falling apart again. i think i’m baños of you and the way you seemed to forgive me so easily.

The man who raped me several times is in prison now and I’m going through a huge process of healing and reconciliation with my body, but sometimes I’m still hurt and every single part of me aches and bleeds; this pain is such a lonely place sometimes ‘cause no one really understands and you need to be strong even if there’s no strength left.

I was worth a better goodbye.

I love you dad but I can't forget the things you did.

but i was a kid. you were supposed to save me. why did you blame me instead of him? what made you think i wanted it? i was a victim. i am your child.

i hate the fact that i forgive people too easily even when they don't know that i'm hurt. i wish i wasnt too attached to them just to be this blind.

I'm afraid that all my dreams won't come true and that my parents won't be proud of me.

bakit sobrang hirap maging mahirap? grabe yung pressure na nakukuha kapag sinasabing "ikaw ang pag asa namin sa kahirapan" pero ang totoo, takot ako. takot akong mag fail na baka sakaling maging mali din ang expectations nila sakin

I've pretended I don't feel how i feel so well that whenever i sit and think, these emotions are foreign and feel like they aren't even mine anymore. The worst part is the fact I don't want to change that anymore.

is it ok for people to make mistake to someone they love pure-heartedly?

i hate being bipolar. my parents both have bipolar and its the most sickening illness to me because of how they act and what theyve done to me. i feel like a product of their illness and their abuse, i feel so guilty because i wish i wasnt related to them whatsoever so i didnt have this burden. im horrified to ever have children because i dont want to pass it on. this life is miserable.

I feel like i always have to explain myself

i f

I’m worried about my future. Kung hanggang saan lang ba ako, kung hanggang dito lang ba ako or magiging okay rin naman at makakatulong sa parents? Nakaka-pressure knowing ikaw yung eldest sa family :(

Dear Geloy, My uncle killed himself 2 months ago. I'm severely suicidal with multiple attempts under my belt, and remember sitting down with my aunt and family the day it happened and listening to them talk. I can't help but wonder what they are going to say about me at the table when it's my time to go too. I'm sorry uncle Jim, I miss you and I love you. See you soon.

Why is your love for me conditional? All I have ever wanted is to make you proud. Why am I not enough?

i hate how they take advantage of me because they know i would do anything for them.

I hate that at my thirties I am healing my inner child, I feel rage for all the things that my family put trough to an amazing, inocent and beautiful soul, at a young age I experienced solitude, sadness and I craved love and hugs, I am learning to love myself, to be compassionate to myself and all that in order to raise my own daughter, I am being the mother I always wanted.

At this point, I’m not even sure if I really love you or I’m just used to having you around.

It’s not that I want pain; it’s that I feel as if I deserve pain.

sometimes i wish i dont have to carry the emotional burden in every relationship that i am in.

ma, pagod at nasasaktan din po ako.

masaya at maswerte akong kayo ang magulang ko ngayon. pero sa susunod, hindi ko hihilingin na sana kayo pa rin ito.

This time, I don’t feel like I have to beg for reassurance.

My life is great I should be so happy but everytime someone touches me I get uncomfortable because of what you did. When will I become normal?

I'm falling for someone I shouldn't be falling for and I don't know how to stop it

I feel alone.

I cant even remember what it was like to love you, all i remember is that i loved you so much

sana dapuan ng karma ang ex ko kasi sinira nya ang pagtingin ko sa pagmamahal

I hope i have the courage right now to tell them how pressure i am.

to my sebhastian, i love you always

Im afraid of becoming the people that hurt me

wasted my potential just because i wanna feel free and alive.

Why is it always the good person who hurt the most?

gustong gusto ko na magmahal, at mahalin din.

is there something about me that makes people just want to hurt me? if not, why does it keep happening? it must be something about me, right?

Hello!

All I wanted was one last conversation before you left.

I wonder if I will ever get the love that I have been longing

ma, pa, di ko na po kaya im sorry.

Mama, I'm so sorry I did not get the chance to even check on you. It was very sudden. You were very healthy. No one knew that you will leave us this early. I am forever grateful for the life that you'd built for us. I always end up with this belief for comfort, that we are all energy and we can neither be created nor destroyed. We only transform into another form, so I know that you are never gone. I love you! Maraming salamat, mama. 💛

truth be told mom and dad. i am your child, not a sink for both of ur frustrations when u fail to do something, when u fail to do right or when u simply just fail to impress ur circle of friends. i wish and pray to God that someday both of u realize that. sincerely, the family's breadwinner xx