i don’t think na love bombing lang lahat. it was pure, i’m sure. pero if ever our souls are intertwined again sana nga mahirap na siyang i-break :) but i hope ma realize ko na my greatest love is also my greatest pain.

Why is your love for me conditional? All I have ever wanted is to make you proud. Why am I not enough?

I hate that I still love you after what you did to me. It hurts to be the one stuck with the memories.

lets see each other again :) maybe next time

I hated to feel lonely ,i know that i have my family and friends around of me but it's with u that i can remove this feeling

I wish I said sorry to my mum, she sat by my bedside after every attempt I had, listening to my heart moniter flatline on 3 separate occasions, she stayed through it all and I never said sorry for putting her through that

growing up is my biggest fear.

i always want to ask my dad "how are you?" because dad's are often quiet about their own suffering. but, i always don't find the bravery to open my mouth or my throat would feel too dry when i try to.

I’m afraid that as time goes by, my ego and anger will get the best of me and end up as the very person I’ve been preventing to be — losing the real "me".

everything hurts…

Little me would have never imagined that all I could ever want now, all grown up, is just a hug from my Dad. He passed away almost 2 years ago.

Ughhhhh im so tired

You comforted me just by being there. I grew up alone, i was lonely. And you held me in a warm embrace.

I hate grieving but sometimes I am afraid if I stop, you will be left behind in the past

I wish my parents broke up. My dad was horrible.

There is something going on with my head, and I don't want to know. Pray for me.

i think we all live in blissful ignorance as children. or i hope we all do. sometimes i wish for one day, i could get rid of everything bad i know, and be a child in that bedroom again. I miss the wood lined walls, the echo of laughter. The ghosts left behind of me, i crave to retrace my steps.

I wish I could forget how much "home" it felt your smell.

I want someone to save me

I wish I could just accept the good things my friends tell me about. That I don't have to question how am I deserving of them being nice to me, and what I have to do to stay in that position. I wish that I can just be. Exist as me. Without the feeling of needing to be that someone, so I can accept myself as deserving of other people's affection.

i hate that i need to put up a facade that i am a bad person to appear strong because i used to experience bullying and hatred from people.

I wish I had more time with you Nanay. I wish I had more time to buy your medicine, sleep in your bed with you, buy you any dress u want in this world since I had the adult money na. I miss you so much. We miss you so much. We just wish we had more time…

unfortunately, i'll always feel guilty for choosing myself

Hi Geloy, I’m 21 years old and I got sober from drugs last year. my childhood friends and the boy I love are still struggling with getting clean. I feel so guilty for managing to get this far. Every time I achieve something it’s clouded by the feeling that I don’t deserve it while the people I love are still in pain. I feel like I should still be struggling with them. It feels wrong to be happy. Everytime I hear someone has ODed I think “why them and not me. I used more. I used longer” i can’t help but stay in contact with them so I can make sure they are okay and alive even though I know it hinders my growth. I know what it’s like to be where they are and I desperately want to show them sobriety brings you true peace. It is soul shattering watching them and being helpless. I can’t stand knowing they are so alone on the streets. Sometimes the pain is so unbearable I want to give up and go back to drugs and be with them again.

I just wish that I would go back to middle school and change my perspective of life you know enjoy it without caring about the opinions of other children

Before, I fear that people would see me as too dramatic once I opened up to them, but now I am more concerned that if they comfort me, I won’t be able to give them the same sense of security that they gave me

i regret falling in love with someone i know ill never meet again

i hope i can always start over..

I’m tired of trying to make everyone happy

Hello!

at this point in my life dying isn't sad anymore its more crucial decisions to stop affecting everyone around me especially myself because i cant control it anymore, my state.

I always make them feel included, for them to know that they're important. But why do I feel like I am the who does not belong?

It's funny how it's called humanity yet rarely found in humans

I'm sorry if I wasn't able to give you my best, when you were able to give yours.

I loved you loudly, even when I was scared you wouldn't love me back the same way. I tried to make it work in every way I knew how. And now I keep wondering why all that love still wasn’t enough to make you stay.

I was 14 when my dad committed suicide. I am almost 23 now. I feel like i’ve missed out on so much of my short life already because of the grief, and deep depression that has followed. I barely had any teen years experience; because I couldn’t get out of my bed. I dropped out of high school. I feel like i’ve disappointed my Father. He was incredibly smart. I went from not getting out of my bed; to being an “adult” who now has to work and pay bills, but at the end of my days i’m always in bed. Sad, in pain, wondering why my life turned out the way it is. I think people expect grief to go away after a certain point, or at least for you not to talk about it. I make people so uncomfortable when I bring him up. I just want to keep his memory alive, because I am the only one that still does. I want to make him proud of me, and I wish he was here sometimes. I know life turns out a certain way, and we just have to deal with it. But I don’t get why some people have it so much harder than others. What did I do to deserve two mentally ill addict parents who were/are abusive? Why do I miss my father even though he put me through hell? I don’t understand my brain, and I never will. I just hope one day I find peace because I truly don’t think i’ll make it past 30 unless I start feeling better.

I hope the world is being more kind to all of us, where we can live in a world that everything feels so soft and unheavy— where there are no trauma and baggages that we are struggling to carry it alone. Mahalaga tayo ng walang katanungan at pagdududa tulad ng “pero” at “bakit”. You are human, let yourself to feel those emotions, but don’t also let that emotions carry out the real you. You are more than enough than you think. May your silent cry for help will help you this out.

bakit sobrang hirap maging mahirap? grabe yung pressure na nakukuha kapag sinasabing "ikaw ang pag asa namin sa kahirapan" pero ang totoo, takot ako. takot akong mag fail na baka sakaling maging mali din ang expectations nila sakin

All I wanted was a sincere apology from you, but instead you cause so much emotional trauma that I don't even know how to trust people anymore.

je, is my timing wrong or am i just that hard to love?

I'm so different now and I dont recognize myself because of the mistakes I've made

ma, pagod at nasasaktan din po ako.

All I wanted was you to believe in me, even if I didn’t deserve it.

sometimes i wish i dont have to carry the emotional burden in every relationship that i am in.

It's not that I don't hate you, it's just that I can't bring myself to hate you when you were once the reason I painted a smile on my face

I wish I knew who I was beyond my traumas and pain

I hate living knowing you didn’t get this chance too, I love you, I miss you.

sana dapuan ng karma ang ex ko kasi sinira nya ang pagtingin ko sa pagmamahal

i want to quit smoking and hooking up until it’s too late :)

Father, I love that you're so giving but I hate how much you're left with in the end. Sometimes nothing but disappointment that you choose to hide because you believe one should never keep count of how much they give. But I hate that about you as much as I love that about you. I wish that you learn to give yourself the love and attention you give to others. It breaks my heart to see you like this.

I wanted you to notice the things I stayed silent about.

If there's such a thing as a second life, let's meet again

I'm sorry I can't love you the way you deserve. I feel physical pain when thinking about breaking up with you and hate myself for making you feel this way. I wish I could evaporate so I could never hurt anyone again. It's just my fault. I don't know what I'm looking for. Sorry I wasted your time.

I’m scared that I’m incapable of ever falling in love. I wish I knew what exactly it is that holds me back. Perhaps it’s the fear of vulnerability or the way I was conditioned growing up.

I sometimes don’t know how i feel want to scream my lungs out of pain but I can't. I can't feel anything, and some envy me for that but it is nothing to be jealous of in fact, it rips you off the right of feeling sad, all that's there is emptiness and numbness. And since you didn't get the chance to take it out you just carry it around your whole life and i think this's the cruelest thing that can happen to oneself.

It kills me that if my inner child saw me she would be so disappointed in me. I wish I could have been someone in life. All my dreams are dying, and so is my soul.

I hate the word “hate” but I truly hate you from taking a part of me. For living your life unaffected and leaving me with this trauma to work through

i am trying really hard to be okay again.

How I wish we had talked more and been more honest with ourselves. That one year of our relationship made me realize how lonely I truly am and how much I needed you. I really wanted us to grow old together, but as philosophers say, some things are meant to come to an end. Please forgive me for all my shortcomings and for the times I failed to truly understand you. Despite everything, I hope you are happy now. -jc

I feel like my teenage insecurities reincarnated noong nagkaroon ng pageant dito sa University namin noong nagkaroon ng fair dito katatapos ko lang sa OJT ko noon at noong sumama ako sa Grand parade bilang simula ng university fair namin nakita ko yung mga pambato ng mga iba't ibang College departments kasama na dun yung sa amin--- nung nakita ko sila ang gwapo at ang gaganda nila. Pakiramdam ko nanliit ako noong nakita ko sila --- hindi dahil gusto kong sumali sa mga pageant -- ayoko -- kung hindi sa kadahilanang inaamin ako na kinompara ko yung sarili ko sa kanila --- bakit kaya hindi ako kasing gwapo nung mga lalaking kasali dun --- ampuputi ang kikinis nila o kahit Moreno yung ibang contestant dun ang gwapo pa din --- feeling ko pag tumabi sila sa akin gagwapo sila lalo dahil sa itsura ko --- kaya inaamin ko rin na hindi ko maiwasang mapatingin sa social media accounts nila kumbaga napunta ako doomscrolling dahil dun --- ang sakit-sakit lang kasi maramdaman na naiinggit ako hindi dahil gusto silang siraan kung hindi dahil hindi ko maiwasang maikompara ang itsura ko sa kanilang lahat --- sa lahat ng lugar dun pa talaga sa event na yun --- I was admiring all of them from afar I was mesmerized by their looks --- little did I know that my insecurities returned when I already dumped it when I was 15,16 or 17 years old now that I am in my 20s and in college as well.

I wish people begged for my love the way I begged for theirs— that way, I’d gladly give it.

Can’t do this life anymore.

what you said will forever scar me.

If I could do it over again I wouldn’t be as apologetic. I came to you with a problem that I wanted you to apologise for because you hurt me and you still found a way for me to be the bad guy. I don’t know how I ended up being the one asking for forgiveness or what I was seeking forgiveness for, but a small part of me always knew it would end that way. I just wish you hadn’t taken my dignity with you.

if your mother knew what you did to me, she would cry herself to sleep every night.

I think im pushing away everyone who cares about me and I don’t know how to stop

To the man I dearly waited on, I hope nothing but still the best for you. I want to say how regretful I am for all those chances that I've missed. I should have reach out to you sooner and make things work, yet the fear and insecurities I have back then was so immense that I didn't realize I was too late to be your potential lover. I hope you make things right and start anew with the woman that captures your heart. You taught me so much in life that a memory of your glance, made my day so bright. I'm glad I've met you, but maybe in another universe, I hope to be by your side.

I hate my dad, for not being able to be the man my mom needs.

here’s what i’m thinking, i respect what you think of yourself because you know yourself better, you do you. but i think that you don’t have an avoidant attachment, you are not one of a kind of those attachers, you just simply can’t reciprocate what i feel toward you and that’s totally fine. now, this is what i’ve learned lately—i realized that i’m one of those anxious attachers and i’ve realized too that i might been draining myself for chasing you and doing everything that i can to make you feel lovable, enough, suffice or whatever just to make you stay, or i might been draining you for chasing you either, i’ve been overthinking that you might be creating reasons just to push me away, that’s just my thinking but i don’t really want to believe what i think. in addition, i’ve read this somewhere that we need to remember that sometimes we don’t respect other’s boundaries by expecting an exuberant amount of soothing and reassurance which isn’t sustainable or fair on the other person, which is very true and i couldn’t agree more. i can feel people pulling away from me because of my anxious attachment style where i take everything personally and imagine the worst case scenario in every little thing. i wouldn’t either if i were to date somebody with an anxious attachment style.

I am sorry for getting drunk with you and kissing bc of that stupid game, Im sorry for pulling the kiss out a second or two late, I'm sorry for that, I'm so sorry for that, I'm sorry than i made you vulnerable so badly and so naively. I'm sorry I went to that fucking party and im sorry I played that fucking stupid game. I'm sorry for being a fool and I'm sorry for laying down on the floor like the dog i am and having a terrible panic attack. I feel like nobody noticing that was less of a accident and more of a self fulfilling prophecy. I hate that stupid fucking game and i hate that stupid fucking me but if you came back to my life maybe i could learn to live with myself a little more again. I love you so much and I'm sorry. I started to watch your favorite series even if it makes me cringe because i know how much you love it, and sometimes i still dream about napping on your lap like that one time, oblivious of the pain i am now in. I still draw little things for you, and revisit the chats we made when we were together, hoping that somehow, someway, we can be at least friendly again. Is that too much to ask to the world?

am i the problem because i can’t let you even if there’s million reason to

I love you. You are my hero.

I still think about how our life could be if we were together

Hi geloy, My step brother and cousin raped me. No one knows besides my husband and sister. I haven’t told my mom because I’m afraid she’ll be dissatisfied in that information. All I want is her support. I’m afraid she’d rather sweep it under the rug than comfort her daughter.

i've been terrified of my mother for so long, i forgot what it was like to be loved by her

I wish I could have been brave enough. Now, all I can do is watch you be happy with him.

i wish my grandad never killed himself. i wish my mom never got depressed. i wish i never had to see my mom attempt suicide. i wish i never had to parent myself cause my mom was too depressed to show up for me because my grandad killed himself. i wish i wasn't angry at him. i wish i wasn't scared i'm gonna have the same faith as he did. but it i'm honest i don't know who i would be without all the pain so maybe the only thing i wish is that my mom never had to feel the pain she did.

sa tatay kong ibinigay kmi sa ibang family, thankful ako sa gnawa kahit may kunting galit pa sa puso ko.

the passion i have for dancing is something my parents couldn't understand, i want to join on dance class but the problems are lack of supports from my family

I’ve attached two notes if that’s alright: “I wish I died in that car accident. I’m angry I’m still alive.” “I like you, I miss you, I look for you in others, my parents always fought, my mother wishes for a different daughter, I was never taught how to love, I feel fundamentally broken. I’m sorry for always running away, but I do it because you deserve better.”

I hate that at my thirties I am healing my inner child, I feel rage for all the things that my family put trough to an amazing, inocent and beautiful soul, at a young age I experienced solitude, sadness and I craved love and hugs, I am learning to love myself, to be compassionate to myself and all that in order to raise my own daughter, I am being the mother I always wanted.

i wish your family loved me more

when will i receive the same love I’ve been giving to everyone?

December 30, 2023 I was too busy thinking about how hard my life this year, how every bone in my body shivers in pain, that excruciating pain not by wounds or any physical pain but by how cruel the world can be. How my heart shrinks, how my mind play tricks on me. Worrying how will I be in the future, how will I be able to pull it off. How the world tries to end the beauty in life that’s left to point where i no longer live and feel alive. I never had a chance to celebrate the small wins and was too busy catering the pain, guilt, hatred in every aspect of my life and how I keep sabotaging myself. The guilt of having true friends yet still feel lonely and hopeless. The guilt of having faith in God yet still feel lost. The guilt of constantly thinking to end this life knowing there are people who still believes, continue to love and pray for you even from afar. Alaska’s word keeping me every god damn night “how will we ever get out of this labyrinth of suffering?”. My mind keep telling me I deserve what I feel, I blamed myself for what I’ve become. Alaska’s answer to the question is to “forgive”, but how? How can I forgive myself? I blamed my parents and hated God for this life. Anger, envy eats my soul. All the bad thoughts came over me, I might not look like depressed but I am. I don’t know what this new year holds but I’m trying to light this tiniest hope I have in me.

I lost my mom when I was 18 to covid. 572 days later I lost my dad to cancer. I turn 20 in in 5 weeks. Im so lost. The only thing keeping me alive is the thought of how disappointed they would be if I died.

gustong gusto ko na magmahal, at mahalin din.

i wanted you to tell me—and actually mean it—that you got us. that when i was breaking up with you and telling you how drained i was, you’d have said you can carry us out of it while i pick myself up.

i originally bought that necklace for you. i kept it. then lost it and cried. but maybe i was meant to lose it. maybe i had to leave it like i had to leave you.

sometimes i think about all the goodbyes i've already said and am going to have to say soon. i love you. i miss you. i'm sorry i can't make any promises other than i will always care. i'm sorry i'm never coming home

unfortunately, i'll always feel guilty for choosing myself

REGRETS FROM THE PAST SUCKS ITS MY FAULT BA NA NOW Q LNG NAREALIZED IF IM GIVEN A CHANCE... HAHAHA SANA PWD PA

i hate being bipolar. my parents both have bipolar and its the most sickening illness to me because of how they act and what theyve done to me. i feel like a product of their illness and their abuse, i feel so guilty because i wish i wasnt related to them whatsoever so i didnt have this burden. im horrified to ever have children because i dont want to pass it on. this life is miserable.

I thought I was healing But now it is just another heartbreak to get over

I don’t tell anyone how I’m really doing because I’m ashamed I let things get so bad again. I think the people around me are just as sick of me struggling as I am.

I've pretended I don't feel how i feel so well that whenever i sit and think, these emotions are foreign and feel like they aren't even mine anymore. The worst part is the fact I don't want to change that anymore.

How can I say to my family that I was sexually abused when I was a kid by someone they treated as a family.

I do a lot of things for people, even if I know they wouldn't do the same for me. And we're all best friends.

It feels like all I’m doing is preparing for an end

I struggle with seeking for constant validation which leads to me oversharing (esp. with strangers) and at the same time I struggle with building walls around myself because I fear disapproval so much - a paradox enabled by my low self-esteem and the fact that I have no idea who I actually am or want to be

To the man I dearly waited on, I hope nothing but still the best for you. I want to say how regretful I am for all those chances that I've missed. I should have reach out to you sooner and make things work, yet the fear and insecurities I have back then was so immense that I didn't realize I was too late to be your potential lover. I hope you make things right and start anew with the woman that captures your heart. You taught me so much in life that a memory of your glance, made my day so bright. I'm glad I've met you, but maybe in another universe, I hope to be by your side.

I’ve become nothing. I am afraid to accept that this is my reality and to that I am alone. I'm afraid to accept that I'm not important. I don't feel like anything matters anymore. I just want all the pain to end.

i am sorry for all the hurt i have caused you because there was a war in my head

I am scared of the person i might become if i were ever to cross paths with you again— my rage for you feels like a bottomless pit and the scary part? i hope it swallows me whole.

I hope one day I can say I’ve healed from the things that quietly broke me that the past no longer aches within me, and that the pain I carried never became the making of who I am. I hope I become someone who can look back without falling apart, and move forward without the weight of old wounds following me everywhere.

I hate seeing you happy without me. Why couldn’t you be like that with me.

you were supposed to be my mother. no child should have to go through what you put me through.

It feels almost impossible and not worth living most times bc I just constantly feel like I’m struggling one way or the other. Not that I wanna kill myself, sometimes it’s just like “what’s the point in living in constant struggle like this?” I constantly feel lost and doubt about myself. I just wish life wasn’t like this. I wish I could say even as a kid I didn’t feel like this but I have. I just want to feel…content for once in my life. Fully content.

I’m tired of constantly being told to “be mentally tough.” I’ve pushed myself to endure everything for so long that I didn’t even realize I was already invalidating my own feelings. Now, all that suppressed exhaustion and pain is catching up to me, and it’s affecting me both mentally and physically.

You were there when i needed you, But i wasnt there at all when you needed me.

I wish I didn't have to feel lonely anymore even being around so many people. I wish I didn't have to ask for help, and I would like to receive the same love that I give to others. I am tired of not being anyone's first place since I set foot in this world.

i miss when i didn’t care about others’ perceptions of me. now i feel like i’m an empty vessel who bases her self-esteem on others’ opinions of her.

I want to say so many things that I don't know where to start.

please don’t come back.

I am not worthy of the pain I feel for hurting you

My heart keeps telling me something is missing—and I know it's you who I keep longing.

Mom, you fought so hard to stay, and I thought we still had more time. Now the “I love yous” I saved for later are the ones that hurt the most.

too embarrassed to confess that its taking me this long to get over a ‘story’ that never ever even began but proud to admit that it taught me many things about myself. falling in love with my best friend was one thing— but losing him in the most unimaginable way was another. Dang. I feel insane that I’m still yapping about you that it feels like there’s always a gun to my head whenever I do. But yk what they say— “ embrace your insanity “ hahahaha. I’ll never shut up about it. It changed the trajectory of my life and no I was not being dramatic about it. I can literally write a whole freaking book about it ! As much as how you did me wrong, you know damn well I’ll still wish the bestest life for you. Take care in life — may our paths never cross again, Jerome :)

I wish you knew how important you are to me :)

i know what's wrong, i'm trying to do something to change, but still i'm at the worst version of myself

as a daughter, i love my dad. but as a human, i really dislike you for all the things you've done to me.

Hey...!! Mi Vida i still love you even though you hurt me

I always wondered why people can't do the things i beg them to do with me, but does it without hesitation to others. Maybe I am the variable that makes people fail.

Thank you for everything, Pa.

Why is it always the good person who hurt the most?

Somehow I allowed myself to take partial blame and guilt, allowed you to fault me for what was only a reaction to an action. I was the one feeling lonely, even though I had the one person I loved most by my side. I was the one who kept going without dates, without pictures, without moments to show I meant the world to you. In your eyes, we were happy and satisfied. When did this change? When I said it all out loud, even after saying it a million times but with love and care. You were happy because you chose me, married me, held me in the house. You were happy because I was physically there, only for you and to no one else. Brokenhearted, only then did you realize something was wrong. I was crumbling in front of you, knowing this may be the end, but pushing every little piece I had left. The empty feeling, the roommate relationship rather than husband and wife, it all became so painful. Painful to do anything around the house, hurtful to even talk or be touched by you, and exhausting to put effort that is not reciprocated. Suddenly, this weight on my shoulder became heavier. I wasn’t being understood or even forgiven for these hard times. Rather, I carried guilt for every moment I was tired, overwhelmed, and lonely even though you were right next to me. I carried guilt on days the emotional load of the situation took a toll on my physical abilities. The concentration wasn’t on fixing what was destroyed, but was focused on the aftermath of the destruction. I became the wife who doesn’t do anything around the house, the wife who can’t control her emotions, the wife who doesn’t show her feminine side. All this to maintain the image you keep (which is what I fell in love with) and hide the man you truly are with your wife. Even got to the point of messing MY IMAGE with false information to the closest people in my life, how NARCISSISTIC!! The man that chose to keep me and put me under his wing. I wasn’t being shown off or chosen out loud. I was being kept and not chosen every single time. Heck, the cats were more important than the supposed partner sharing life. I was settling for a version of love that kept asking me to shrink my needs. The need to feel seen, the need for effort not perfection, the need for consistency not empty promises, and the need to carry the weight of life together. I feel sad to have put myself through this, not the experience of living life with you (or for you) but for loving you deeply enough to be gentle with it all. Enough to letting you and myself believe that I was in the wrong as much as you were. Not that I am perfect — because no one is — but I was always trying, always becoming a better version of myself, always wanting to live life WITH you. As much as I want to tell you all those unspoken words, as much as I want to thank you. Taking that break and coming back more determined to make this work, only to find you took the love you had me out of your heart. The words “I do not love you anymore”, and “you are now just like any other girl” stabbed me more than anything did in this world. I was not only hurt, but the actions of betrayal somehow became validated. I want to thank you for FINALLY being honest with me. I want to thank you for enlightening me to the true being you are, at least with your wife. My decision became easy here, no matter how much love I carry till this day, simply from these two sentences. I did not marry you to feel alone and I will not be another girl who stayed in a marriage simply for love. Love that practically begged for attention from a love that started from needing control. I love myself too much for that and definitely deserve more than a man who wants me for the wrong reasons. I deserve being in the life and SHARING a life who chooses me EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. And is not afraid to show it. Goodbye and may I see you again in a state where I am better than ever and no longer affected by the songs that play, the images that replay, and the touch that’s felt through every moment remembered. Goodbye to the best and absolute worst thing that has happened to me. :(

If there's really a God out there. Can you just take my life again? Because being born was never easy.

How did i live such a traumatic childhood..how did i survive??

I died when you died, mama.

it’s been 8 months and i still imagine the warmth of your embrace every time i’m sad, and the soft beating of your heart when i try to fall asleep alone.

i’d promised myself not to, but sometimes i wish we’d never met at all. maybe then i wouldn’t be hurting as much as i am now.

All i wanted was to understand you

I am achieving all of my dreams and desires. ✨🙏🏼

i’m 16. i’m not looking for love right now but i hope it finds me in the quietest and softest ways. i hope it finds me silently in the night when i feel like everything's falling apart, or gently when i’m at the lowest point thinking no one will ever love me for me. i hope it holds me close like how friends reunite, like how mothers hold their newborn, or how your loved ones hold your dead body. I want to be loved loudly but in the quietest ways.

I visit stranger's graves and read the inscriptions people wrote in them. I try to imagine just how they felt losing someone they loved. I try to imagine what my loved ones would feel if I were to go.

i hate myself for hating them whenever they bring up things that still haunt me.

i lost a child when i was 21, i’m 26 now. i didn’t want it so i did a bunch of drugs to terminate the pregnancy. now that time has passed i regret that with every fiber of my being. me and the father eventually broke up but that makes me feel even more remorse as i still love him. we had this unshakable feeling it was a boy. to my son, i’m so, so sorry.

i still think of you every night.

is it selfish if i put an end to all? :) i understand the big impact to people after but how about me? what about me? :)

ma, pa, di ko na po kaya im sorry.

ma, pa, di ko na po kaya im sorry.

i think i’ll always miss you. i really wish we didn’t end up this way.

I feel so unlovable all the time that when someone gives me a little amount of attention I can’t believe I deserve it.

I am so much wasted potential :/

my dearest j, i think i love you. it hurts to think that you could never know how much you mean to me. i’ve suppressed how i feel about you for ages and i don’t know how much longer i can stand it. - m

I hate and will hate you for the rest of my life for wanting to reconcile with the person who SA'd me

i wanted you to tell me—and actually mean it—that you got us. that when i was breaking up with you and telling you how drained i was, you’d have said you can carry us out of it while i pick myself up.

after you left, i stopped trusting people.

i love so openly and honestly and with all i am because if you do not give yourself to love why love at all? and sometimes yet i fear all i ever have and ever will have to show for it is thousands of deleted photos, long-past voicemails, items in my home i can never look at the same way again. i give all i am to someone and yet one day i’ll have to walk by them, silent, knowing they have a piece of me i cannot retrieve

This is the life I prayed for. Why am I lonely?

Miss ko na si papa. Sana hindi na lang nag-abroad si papa. Siguro maraming ala-ala ang aming nagawa.

maybe it is better to stay silent

My heart keeps telling me something is missing—and I know it's you who I keep longing.

You got the best of me. No one had ever received the love I gave you. The moment conflict occurred, you packed and left. I still don’t know why. I broke in a way I’ll never be the same. Thank you Raul.

Finally experiencing the love I deserve.

i asked the universe for a sig

He battling with cancer right now, the only best thing that i can do is to support him to his ups and downs. I’m afraid that i may lose him, but i know that God won’t let that happen.

My parents will never know how much their comments on my weight (that seemed harmless to them) affected me.

im so tired of being kind to people who use it against me

i f

When my brother died, people told me that they expect me to be strong and comfort my parents and my sister because that’s my “role as the eldest child”. Since then, I built this facade that I am strong and unbreakable. But the truth is, I am still hurting and I don’t know how to release this pain that’s inside of me. I feel like something inside me broke and I don’t know what is it and how to fix it.

I was never afraid of death, maybe part of it was because I have always dreamt of dying early. I remember planning my life, at the age of 8, I have planned my life. I'll be in college by 18, probably will adopt a child and thrive to success, then by 30 I'll die, that's it. But now, I'm 21, still very much single and a very proud tita to my little awesome nieces and nephews... I guess death isn't scary but life's not so bad as well, sometimes when you learned how to live, living isn't as bad as I thought it was. Stay alive, folks. Learn to live :)

I found someone with a great soul and it’s tragic how he seems to have let life pass him by and to have this rare connection with him but I’m too young for him.

everything hurts…

I just want to be someones favorite, to be wanted. I hope that isn't too selfish

I'm sorry, I know I have no reason to feel these way but I can't help but to overthink about his past relationship. I WAS there when it happened, I WAS there when it ended. I know what he truly feels about her during that moment and I keep having these bad thoughts about it. LIKE, I HAVE ALL THESE STUPID QUESTIONS INSIDE MY HEAD, THAT I KNOW ISN'T REAL.

I just lost my Dad yesterday. I’ve not seen him for 15 years since he’s living abroad but we’ve kept in touch only through messages ( he’s old ) I saved up a lot of money to go see him in that country and we planned for it, but he never went to see me for he has a lot of reasons while I was in that country. I said a lot of things, bad things to him before I went home, over the phone. Yesterday was the 3rd month since that happened only to find out that the reason why he never met me was his health took a critical turn and never wanted me to see him like that. I wish he knew how much he meant to me and that I loved him with my life. I wish I told him that he meant the world to me. I’m sorry, Dad. I love you.

You say that you are sorry and i am sure you are not. I hate you for what you did and even tho it's been a year now, i fear you everywhere and all the time.

To the people I never had the courage to fully speak to, There are so many things I carried quietly because I got used to surviving instead of explaining. I learned early that fear can shape a person without anyone noticing. Fear of failing. Fear of not becoming enough. Fear of running out of time while everyone else seems to already know where they’re going. Sometimes I act strong because I don’t know what else to do. But the truth is, there are days when I feel exhausted from carrying expectations, doubts, and wounds I never asked for. Growing up with uncertainty taught me how to hide pain behind jokes, silence, or “I’m okay,” even when I wasn’t. What hurts the most is not the struggle itself, but the feeling that no matter how hard I try to rebuild my life, a part of me is still terrified that I’ll never escape the version of myself shaped by fear and trauma. I wish I knew how to explain that some people are not cold or distant because they don’t care. Sometimes they’re just scared of breaking apart in front of everyone. And maybe that’s the thing I never said out loud: I’ve been trying my best for a very long time.

I’m tired but I won’t give up, whoever’s reading this, you’ll be okay someday. You’re doing well, and surviving is your biggest achievement, don’t give up!

in the words of Jack Twist— “ I wish I knew how to quit you. “

I lost my mother to my own identity and it hurts. I used to be her rock and now I'm the source of all her problems. Why did I have to come out to her?

I yearn for loving. No, not love, but loving. Loving is so inherent to me, I don’t care what my past experiences are, those who stay, I will continue to love, without anything in return. It’s just how I was built. As long as you are with me, as long as you don’t give me a reason not to, as long as you let me, I. WILL. LOVE. because that’s just who I am.

sometimes i get glimpses into other people's worlds and i am struck by how at home they are in them. they have their whole world, their whole life, right there at their feet whilst i feel like mine is always a little out of reach

I feel alone.

i didn’t deserve the things i went through but i wish you would’ve told me that growing up. Because the child you neglected will always yearn for the love of a mother that she will never get and i hate you for that. you will never understand the pain you put me through, lucky for you, but i will always feel it even when i don’t want to. because my purpose on this planet wasn’t to “make you a mother” or “save your life,” my purpose is to live and i don’t even know if i can do that. i’ll never forgive you. love always, the daughter you wished you never had.

I became so addicted to you every time we wouldn’t talk I lost more and more of myself.

i wish i wasn't so desperate for love. then, i wouldn't have had to give my heart for someone that can't cherish it as eagerly as i do for theirs.

I always make sure I am emotionally available to everyone so that no one will feel the helplessness and loneliness I have ever felt. But I am so tired, just so tired.

i wanted you to tell me—and actually mean it—that you got us. that when i was breaking up with you and telling you how drained i was, you’d have said you can carry us out of it while i pick myself up.

I’m so tired of trying to be good enough for them.

I feel like am not mentally ill enough to get diagnosed.

I love you. Not the same way I did, and you treated me poorly at some points, but I still do. You taught me so much, and I wish I could tell you how grateful I am for you, but I can’t. You’re no longer a major part my life, but you will always be a part of my heart.

I wished i was aware about your feelings and you could’ve told me if you are tired because you are suffering alone, years pass since you passed away It still haunts me because i couldn’t do anything just to make you feel better, i wished ive could’ve said “ i love you “ that day, i’m sorry im late.

I hated the way he rubbed in my face that he was going to take his possible new girlfriend out and do the things he'd told me he'd do with me.

I'm exploring, I'm learning, I'm loving life again.

I always feel like i’m doing something wrong. It’s always different person same scenario and it always take a piece of me

i have to convince myself that i wouldn’t be the same if it didn’t happen but maybe i would’ve been a better version of myself than i am now

I wish i would have known that loving you meant i possibly couldnt love anyone else, because you didnt even love me back. Now im stuck with all this love and no where to go

i still dont know if i deserve the love that i am receiving right now. what if they dont really want me? what if they wake up one day and decide that they dont want and love me anymore? i'm afraid that i will just accept it and move on, like i always do, because i think, i dont deserve that kind of love. the hurt will probably linger for a long time, but, i'll be okay. i'll probably build up a tougher and higher wall that no one can barge in and climb up and just be alone forever.

masaya at maswerte akong kayo ang magulang ko ngayon. pero sa susunod, hindi ko hihilingin na sana kayo pa rin ito.

maybe it is better to stay silent

i really wanted that job badly. i may act im fine but im not

I hope my unblooded siblings know that they are my reason to keep moving forward. 💗

There’s so many things, I wanted to say to you. But the words get stuck in my throat. I don’t know why maybe because if I say them to you there real and I will have to admit how horrible I felt when you broke my heart. I don’t want to face you

I expected a lot for my 17th birthday (01-30-2023), but when the day came, I had to take care of my mom because she was sick and my dad was working in his car so I was alone the whole day, even my best friend forgot about my bday. It was the same as every other birthday but what still hurts about that day is the fact that the only message that I received in the whole day was about my 8 y/o nephew. He had leukemia, and the message said that he was in his last days and that he was probably dying in the same day. He didn't. He died just five days later, but the fact that I wasn't there for him still haunts me till this day.

I love that I'm gradually found myself more and reignite that spark in me that was lost for a long time.

To my boyfriend, I love you, so much that I am scared that one day you will just slip away from my arms.

I hate it when people say, ‘He’s still your dad,’ as if they don’t know the horrible things he’s done. I fear I may never be able to forgive him.

I fell in love with you. Feeling pretty dumb right now.. But also pretty great. Ugh.

i want to tell you what’s in my heart, but i’m scared you’ll leave after hearing it.