Dear Mom & Dad, I hope you feel what I felt whenever you poured all your anger onto me. :)

i wish you knew how much i liked you, even when i hated you all the same. i know you must think of me as a 'sister', but i knew you felt something more than that when we opened up to one another. i know you still like her, and i could've been selfish enough to make you mine. but i like you; and i chose not to have you for myself. because i could never compete with a girl you already love since day one. so, i hope you get the fries you wanted :) i hope you're happy with her.

I wish I knew what love feels like. I want to love someone, but I get confused. I can’t even say ”I love you” to people I should.

I want to say so many things that I don't know where to start.

I am not worthy of the pain I feel for hurting you

after you left, i stopped trusting people.

I think about getting old and wrinkly and looking back at pictures of my brother and he'll still be forever young

I am scared of the person i might become if i were ever to cross paths with you again— my rage for you feels like a bottomless pit and the scary part? i hope it swallows me whole.

I wish I could forget how much "home" it felt your smell.

I think I fell in love with you. Or I got played I can’t tell. I always think I’m going to be able to protect myself but can never see the red flags. I hope you were honest about a possible future together. You pulled away just when I started to really feel something for you. Anyway, for now, everyone seems to want me except you.

I don’t know how to be up front with my emotions. More often than not, I’m not even sure what emotion I’m feeling at all. Happy, Sad, Angry, Tired, Excited, Optimistic, Hopeless. Lately, they have kind of all been blending together. In one moment I’ll feel one way, the next I’ll feel another. Sometimes I feel them all at once, but a lot of the time I don’t feel any of them at all. No matter what emotion I’m feeling I always express it as, “I’m Fine.” To be completely honest, I’m not fine. I’m not now, and I never have been. I’m not even really sure what it means to be fine. I think it’s just my way of throwing my feelings under the rug so I can deal with them later. In reality, I just try to forget about my issues and hope that they go away. They never do. My whole life I have felt stuck. I feel like I have the potential inside of me to be someone, to help my family, to help the world, to help bring people the peace that we all deserve. I don’t know what it’s like to feel peace. I never have. Even when the room is quiet and I shouldn’t have a worry in the world. I still can’t manage to quiet my thoughts. I don’t think that I am meant to feel peace. I’m not sure that I ever will. What I do know is that I feel happy when others are at peace. I know how it feels to constantly be unsure of what tomorrow is to bring, and I don’t want anyone else to feel that way. Frankly, I have no idea why I just wrote this. I guess I’m just not sure if I will ever find peace, happiness, or whatever any of that even means. So I guess for now, I’m fine.

Hi Geloy, I wanted to politely ask if you would like to share this. I find your project so incredibly enriching, my best friend showed it to me in 2021. She cut off contact with me a few months ago and my love is not diminishing. I have processed the loss but still miss her every single day. Losing her was the precipice into the deepest depression I have ever experienced. I had these weird realistic dreams where we talked and felt safe together again. I know she is struggling as well and I hope every day that she is doing better and still lives free like a bird. And I hope someday she will fly back. Until then, I want her to know: I still love you and I will always try to remain your loyal friend despite the pain you caused me.

i hate how i have developed a false loud rowdy “impulsive” persona to prevent people from getting bored of me and leaving. i wish someone would grab my shoulders and shake some sense into me. i am in no way like this at all. i plan out everything i do, i think before i speak and act. i purposely choose to do the funny things that will get people’s reaction. i wish i wasnt like this. i wish someone would call me out for it and tell me everything is fine and they dont leave me just because im boring and that they like me for who i am. i also feel like everyone hates me and would act weirdly if i suddenly stopped acting like this. i just didn’t have anything to say. what is there to say? one of these days i will run out of jokes to tell and risky things to do. when i do what will i do with myself? i feel like im a ball point pen. im useful (in this case its being funny) until im not. this is the one mask i cannot let go of, despite my desperate attempts. the mask is glued to my face, it’s my whole identity now. my friends, my partner, hell even strangers just see me with this mask. i want to rip this mask off my face but i cant. it’s become part of me. if i discard it then who am i? a aloof quiet random boy? sure i smile and laugh alot even without the mask but is it even worth it? should i just keep the mask on? i don’t know what to do.

i live in constant fear of my own mind, in fear that one day i might come to terms with the fact that is was my fault.

i chose to hand over the sweetest love I’ve ever experienced to someone else. I wanted to do it for her sake, but now I feel so empty without her. The worst part is, that I’ll never know if I was right or wrong.

The way you looked at me when you understood it's over....

i’m scared my friends won’t like me anymore. i haven’t seen them for over a year now, i have changed i’m so scared they aren’t going to like that change

I’m sorry I always message you a thousand times. All those words never feel like enough. But to say I love you would be too much.

I think alot of people dewell on the past and I personally am one of those people . I believe i dwell because i wish i could change certain things mostly the things that made me feel sad or upset . I wish i could go back in time and tell my parents that they weren’t doing there job right but i was too afraid of what might have happened i was too afraid of the life i wouldve had if i had said something but now i speak up for myself and try to express the way i feel in every bit so that people who cause me to feel how my parents made me feel can change the way they treat me . Ive learned that i also project my feelings on to people because i dont know how to control my feelings this is something i feel like most people struggle with and i hope everyone who does finds a way to express and love themselves to the fullest!

It sucks that up until now, I still get the flashbacks. It sucks that I need to own up to something that wasn’t even my fault to begin with. You made me hate myself and I hate you for that.

people always assume that i am going to do the wrong thing, or that i will do something bad. i try so hard to be a good person and treat everyone with the love and conpassion they deserve, but still. i don’t understand why people underestimate and think so lowly of me.

I was raped by my older cousin from age 6 to age 12. Now I struggle to understand who I really am. Who was I before being a victim? It shaped me at such a young age that I am afraid I'll never be able to distinguish my true self from the trauma.

I wish I could just have one morning where I don’t wake up in pain.

Hi Geloy, I’m 21 years old and I got sober from drugs last year. my childhood friends and the boy I love are still struggling with getting clean. I feel so guilty for managing to get this far. Every time I achieve something it’s clouded by the feeling that I don’t deserve it while the people I love are still in pain. I feel like I should still be struggling with them. It feels wrong to be happy. Everytime I hear someone has ODed I think “why them and not me. I used more. I used longer” i can’t help but stay in contact with them so I can make sure they are okay and alive even though I know it hinders my growth. I know what it’s like to be where they are and I desperately want to show them sobriety brings you true peace. It is soul shattering watching them and being helpless. I can’t stand knowing they are so alone on the streets. Sometimes the pain is so unbearable I want to give up and go back to drugs and be with them again.

Everyday I think about reaching out to you, because I miss you. Yet, i stop myself because my heart cannot take one more heartbreak from you. I truly love you and I hope one day you’ll come back.

I hate that I still love you after what you did to me. It hurts to be the one stuck with the memories.

im afraid no one will ever love me in the same intensity that i love them. i feel like no one appreciates everything i do for them.

I'm sorry if I wasn't able to give you my best, when you were able to give yours.

je, is my timing wrong or am i just that hard to love?

I still don’t know if I actually got assaulted that night, because I am so consumed with the thought that I’m disgusting that when I got a gut feeling that things were about to go south I hesitated and froze because I guess a part of me wanted to see if he actually would do it and I was scared of what would happen if I did something to stop it. And then he SA’d me and it was the worst thing I have ever experienced

I wish I’d waited longer before I said “I love you”

I fell in love with you. Feeling pretty dumb right now.. But also pretty great. Ugh.

I just wanted to know what it felt like to be apart of a loving family

I’m sorry I hurt you so much I just didn’t know how to love myself first

I love watching my friends succeed and accomplish their goals in life, I’ll never stop cheering for them. But I can’t help but think “when is it gonna be my turn” sometimes.

I tolerated too long and gave a damn so much that I got myself into something I cannot run off. Lesson learned if you’d like to save yourself one day, get out of the shitty relationship. Cause if you don’t, it will take its toll on you and you will never be saved. I wish I could get out, but it’s too late.

Dear Geloy, I used to be so afraid that someone might know what happened when I was 8 yrs old. I was sexually harrassed by my brother’s friend. No one knew. I was scared because he told me he will kill me if I tell anyone. I was just 8, Geloy. Growing up, I avoided any topic about sex or reproduction but now, I am trying to live a normal teenage life. I am already 19, I’ve forgiven him for myself because I want to heal but I still cry over it. It still hunts me. If only I could hug the kid I once was… I still wait for the apology I know I will never get even tho I have forgiven him already. I wonder if he even wish “I hope she knows I regret what I have done”. 8 yrs old…I was so young and innocent, I wish I have told my parents about it, maybe it wouldnt be this heavy, I wouldnt need to carry it growing up. I wouldnt have to heal all alone. I wish I have told my mom about it.

Dear Geloy, My uncle killed himself 2 months ago. I'm severely suicidal with multiple attempts under my belt, and remember sitting down with my aunt and family the day it happened and listening to them talk. I can't help but wonder what they are going to say about me at the table when it's my time to go too. I'm sorry uncle Jim, I miss you and I love you. See you soon.

at this point in my life dying isn't sad anymore its more crucial decisions to stop affecting everyone around me especially myself because i cant control it anymore, my state.

my dearest j, i think i love you. it hurts to think that you could never know how much you mean to me. i’ve suppressed how i feel about you for ages and i don’t know how much longer i can stand it. - m

I'm just keeping myself busy not to think about my age and turning 33, nobody talks about being single and fear of being lonely forever, it's sth totally new in this century, I'm tired of being so strong and doing everything on my own, watching my friends getting married, there's nobody out there to confess loneliness is really sad and one of the biggest fear of human being and not to tell positive psychological quotes about it?

i was in a car accident with my girlfriend a couple of days ago. the car hit my side and i was hurt way more than her. the only thing i was concerned about was her and if she was okay. i had no idea i was even hurt until she pointed it out

What wouldn't I do to stop feeling guilty about everything I do and ending things in my life.

(TW) this is for anyone who’s thinking of ending it bc it dosnt get better and your alone I just wanted to say from the time I was 8 I started sh’ing it didn’t get bad until I was 13 when my bsf took his life it destroyed me so deeply and I don’t say this to guilt trip you because I know your pain I really do just keep reading after 27 attempts during a six month span I almost succeeded I flatlined in the icu and spent a month in the hospital before going inpatient after I left I had several more attempts and fell into addiction I though I’d never get better and nothing was worth it anymore then I decided to try and get better three years later I am not 100% Mabey closer to 30% but I’m still trying to get better I surrounded myself with people that truly cared and started to self reflect a lot and I’m doing much better the point I wanted to make was If I lived and got better you can too<3

I am so desperate for a love i will never get. How do i stop this feeling of emptiness from eating me up everyday?

All I wanted was a sincere apology from you, but instead you cause so much emotional trauma that I don't even know how to trust people anymore.

as a daughter, i love my dad. but as a human, i really dislike you for all the things you've done to me.

I'm sorry mother you loved me far more than I deserved

i originally bought that necklace for you. i kept it. then lost it and cried. but maybe i was meant to lose it. maybe i had to leave it like i had to leave you.

How did i live such a traumatic childhood..how did i survive??

my anxiety disorder is so severe, i‘m pretty sure it‘s going to kill me one day

I wish you loved me back

My life feels like I was kept in a box for years, protected from everything. But once I graduated, they suddenly stopped helping me. They expected me to manage on my own, even though I was never given the experiences I needed to grow.

i don’t think na love bombing lang lahat. it was pure, i’m sure. pero if ever our souls are intertwined again sana nga mahirap na siyang i-break :) but i hope ma realize ko na my greatest love is also my greatest pain.

in the soft truth beneath it all, u are my achilles' heel. i miss you, nac.

There is something going on with my head, and I don't want to know. Pray for me.

Sometimes if I jump up and down and shake my hands for a few seconds, I force a little courage back into my heart

I wish I said sorry to my mum, she sat by my bedside after every attempt I had, listening to my heart moniter flatline on 3 separate occasions, she stayed through it all and I never said sorry for putting her through that

I hate how we were limited to a few places where our love can exist.

We still have so many first times to look forward to.

i wish i told her i was sorry when i could

i still think of you every night.

I hate that everybody thinks their intellect is above average when the reality is that they almost certainly ARE the average, and the average is a terrifyingly low standard nowadays.

Miss ko na si papa. Sana hindi na lang nag-abroad si papa. Siguro maraming ala-ala ang aming nagawa.

To my boyfriend, I love you, so much that I am scared that one day you will just slip away from my arms.

people would say that my life should not revolve around my history of abuse. i totally agree. but sometimes it really just finds its way back into me. i wouldn’t say it defines me as a whole but i also wouldn’t say it didn’t affect me at all. i’m wounded to the core.

Hello!

my hyper-independence stems from my childhood trauma and it has become so bad that I struggle to make and maintain relationships.

I’m tired of constantly being told to “be mentally tough.” I’ve pushed myself to endure everything for so long that I didn’t even realize I was already invalidating my own feelings. Now, all that suppressed exhaustion and pain is catching up to me, and it’s affecting me both mentally and physically.

I said i’m fine because i already forgave… but i never ever forget.

i keep asking dumb, naive questions just to have a conversation with you :)

December 30, 2023 I was too busy thinking about how hard my life this year, how every bone in my body shivers in pain, that excruciating pain not by wounds or any physical pain but by how cruel the world can be. How my heart shrinks, how my mind play tricks on me. Worrying how will I be in the future, how will I be able to pull it off. How the world tries to end the beauty in life that’s left to point where i no longer live and feel alive. I never had a chance to celebrate the small wins and was too busy catering the pain, guilt, hatred in every aspect of my life and how I keep sabotaging myself. The guilt of having true friends yet still feel lonely and hopeless. The guilt of having faith in God yet still feel lost. The guilt of constantly thinking to end this life knowing there are people who still believes, continue to love and pray for you even from afar. Alaska’s word keeping me every god damn night “how will we ever get out of this labyrinth of suffering?”. My mind keep telling me I deserve what I feel, I blamed myself for what I’ve become. Alaska’s answer to the question is to “forgive”, but how? How can I forgive myself? I blamed my parents and hated God for this life. Anger, envy eats my soul. All the bad thoughts came over me, I might not look like depressed but I am. I don’t know what this new year holds but I’m trying to light this tiniest hope I have in me.

Been wanting to reach out to you, but I’m scared everything might go back to the way it was. I just hope you’re doing better.

You make me feel something while I'm trying to run away from it, when I'm trying to be numb. And now I kept on looking back to you as I try to leave. I kept on stepping closer, over and over, because to be honest, I fear loosing you. If you need someone, I've been always here waiting for your knocks. I'm always here for you. miss na kita pls, kamustahin mo naman ako oh hahahahaha. ako nalang kase bai kung ako yan e.

I start to deep life sometimes what have I done what havent I done Yet. I must add I couldn’t cound the amout of times a cried over someone someone hurting my heart My heart is broken in 1000 places but yet it still works I can breath and move and talk and walk I can do it all But yet I have my many fuckiung problmes my issues yet if I took a group of people and put all there hands in a line and counted all there fingers I wouldn’t have enough hands and fingers for all my issus and problems I keep on saying how unlovable I am Is not that I am It that I couldn’t imagain myself being loved I spent 19 years of my life feeling unloved being unloved and yet I lay here and my life still the same im still sad as shit and I cant smile for a whole day I have to nap at lesat 3 times a day talking to more then one person a day freckes me out But then I smoke and im okay But then I drink and im okay Sorry mum sorry dad i dont know you mum i know you knew the drugs morwe then you ever knew me so mabye i talk to you once or twich when im high it nice to know you on that leval so mabye the more i smoke the more i see you

You deserve friendships that don’t make you question your place

I'm tired to be the scary friend of the group, the one that always has to give bad news to other people even if everyone is thinking the same thing. Just have to courage to express yourself and your thoughts

You're a fraud And they'll find out Don't smile like that Teeth bared Blood stained Gums showing A shark seeking blood Hadn't you had enough from me?

I was loved deeply, yet something in me still wandered. Like a name whispered in another room I could never reach. No matter how warm the hands that raised me were, part of me kept searching for a place my soul remembered but my body never knew. And maybe that’s the cruelest thing about being chosen. You spend your whole life grateful, while quietly mourning something you cannot even name.

It took me a while to recognize my burn out from academics. The pandemic affected my learning. It's not in my nature to be lazy and I know this whole thing isn't just an exhaustion. I want to recover and become a stellar student again. But I wonder if I'll have a redemption arc.

It's harder to force myself not to love her than to come to terms with what she did.

I used to love me, but after couple of heart breaks I’m terrified by the thought that I can’t seem to love my own personality.

i just hope one day, you'll treat me the way I wanted to be treated.

You are not hard to love just because someone failed to love you well.

I remember when you used to wipe my tears away, and now you’re the only reason why i cry.

A few months ago I remembered something that happened to me as a child, this memory was quite hidden and that is that they abused me when I was only 10 years old. It was nothing very serious, but now that this memory is no longer hidden in my subconscious, I don't know how to feel about it.

I hated the way he rubbed in my face that he was going to take his possible new girlfriend out and do the things he'd told me he'd do with me.

We just broke up and i know its for the better because they were never going to treat me the way i deserve it, but it hurts so much to let go

my dad has cancer and i'm so scared he's gonna die. he hasn't been the best dad or man but he's my dad and he provides for me and i love him. i don't want him to die. i want him to live as long as i do. i know he has to die some day but i want to be gone first, i couldn't live without him.

i will never tell her this but my little sister saved my life. she was born during time when i was very suicidal and thought about ending my life very often. being able to raise her and help my parents be better for her than they were for me gave me a new purpose. she’s one of the biggest loves of my life and i cannot imagine a life where we grew up without each other.

think everyone should go through cancer once in their life yep, i said it earlier while pouring my thoughts out to my boyfriend i had leukemia. four years of chemo and lately life has been so loud and chaotic that i caught myself thinking about those days again - being stuck in a hospital bed, waiting for my family to feed me, bathe me, take care of me. completely dependent on them and i know how selfish that sounds because back then, while i was going through cancer, the only thing on my plate was getting better. that was it. my family carried everything else for me. they were the ones fighting beside me in ways i probably still can’t fully understand now life is different. i have two jobs, i went back to college, i live alone, and i still go to monthly checkups. everything feels fast all the time and some days it gets heavy in a way i don’t really know how to explain so when i think about that hospital bed, i don’t miss the cancer itself. i miss the pause. the simplicity of only having one job: survive the day. no pressure to figure out the future. no pretending to have everything together i’ll always be grateful i made it through but surviving cancer doesn’t mean life suddenly becomes easier after. sometimes it just changes the kind of tired you carry

i always want to ask my dad "how are you?" because dad's are often quiet about their own suffering. but, i always don't find the bravery to open my mouth or my throat would feel too dry when i try to.

maybe it was my fault for letting myself fall too hard. i never knew i'd long for you.

When I was a kid 2 boys played a prank on me of who I would start liking and dating first, I fell for it. Right now, anytime someone starts liking me, I think it’s all just a funny joke played on me. When the feelings get deeper, I start pushing guys away, because I don’t want to be hurt the same way I was before. I hurt one too many because of that

Kung sarili ko lang iniisip ko, graduate na rin sana ako.

i feel so useless that i can’t keep a job because of my autism and anxiety

Sometimes when I’m about to sleep I keep thinking of all the words I should’ve said.

why do i have to feel like a complete stranger in my own home, ive grown up being the lonely child with no emotional support from my parents. they’ve always think that i can manage myself cause im the oldest sibling, but ive always wanted to have someone who can say “are u okay?”—someone who would check on me to see if i still want to live, someone who will understand me. i just wish my parents were better for me :D

Hey Yasmin, I really wished I had the courage and stayed too, as my life without you it’s like an eukaryotic cell without its mitochondria. Next life I’ll hold your hand when we’ll first meet at kindergarten and I’ll never leave you. You’ll always be my miracle and I root for you my love. Forever yours x

sometimes i think about all the goodbyes i've already said and am going to have to say soon. i love you. i miss you. i'm sorry i can't make any promises other than i will always care. i'm sorry i'm never coming home

My parents will never know how much their comments on my weight (that seemed harmless to them) affected me.

I feel like my mom hates me. We have similar features and I used to usually get a "you look and sound just like your mother" from everyone that knew her. I always took it as an insult since she is a very toxic and abusive person, but she would too. She hated and hates being compared to me saying that we have no similarities and changing the subject to my younger sister. I feel like she hates my existence. She publicly humiliates me, insults me, hits me, neglects me... the list goes on. I'm not mad at my younger sister, I could never be, it's not her fault. Still, I wish she could understand that the only reason she doesn't remember going through any of that is because I would be so overprotective of her when we were younger that I'd voluntary take her punishments instead. I'd piss off our mom to get her attention out of my sister and put it on me. I'd get the yelling, the hits, the silent treatment... and I'd do it again without thinking twice. It's one of the only things I'll always be proud of, but to think that I was just a kid forced to grow up makes me sick.

think everyone should go through cancer once in their life yep, i said it earlier while pouring my thoughts out to my boyfriend i had leukemia. four years of chemo and lately life has been so loud and chaotic that i caught myself thinking about those days again - being stuck in a hospital bed, waiting for my family to feed me, bathe me, take care of me. completely dependent on them and i know how selfish that sounds because back then, while i was going through cancer, the only thing on my plate was getting better. that was it. my family carried everything else for me. they were the ones fighting beside me in ways i probably still can’t fully understand now life is different. i have two jobs, i went back to college, i live alone, and i still go to monthly checkups. everything feels fast all the time and some days it gets heavy in a way i don’t really know how to explain so when i think about that hospital bed, i don’t miss the cancer itself. i miss the pause. the simplicity of only having one job: survive the day. no pressure to figure out the future. no pretending to have everything together i’ll always be grateful i made it through but surviving cancer doesn’t mean life suddenly becomes easier after. sometimes it just changes the kind of tired you carry

I wear so many faces, but the hard thing is none of them are fake

I don't know if I have the strength to keep going. I don't want to disappoint anybody but my body and mind are tired and I feel hopeless about my future

too embarrassed to confess that its taking me this long to get over a ‘story’ that never ever even began but proud to admit that it taught me many things about myself. falling in love with my best friend was one thing— but losing him in the most unimaginable way was another. Dang. I feel insane that I’m still yapping about you that it feels like there’s always a gun to my head whenever I do. But yk what they say— “ embrace your insanity “ hahahaha. I’ll never shut up about it. It changed the trajectory of my life and no I was not being dramatic about it. I can literally write a whole freaking book about it ! As much as how you did me wrong, you know damn well I’ll still wish the bestest life for you. Take care in life — may our paths never cross again, Jerome :)

I'm sorry the depression ruined our friendship. We loved each other. I know you never blamed me. I may grieve for all of my days that I lost you and it was my fault, and I'll never get a chance to show you how much I've grown. I wish we were still friends. I miss you.

I wonder if I could ever be lonelier than this

Kuya Geloy ako lang ba nakakaramdam ng pagiging manhid. Feeling ko kasi ang manhid ko na di na kagaya ng dati.

I didn't heal from the pain you've caused, I just learn how to live with it.

when will i finally experience the kind of love i deserve without constantly being scared that i’ll be betrayed again?

i regret falling in love with someone i know ill never meet again

i wish you knew how much i liked you, even when i hated you all the same. i know you must think of me as a 'sister', but i knew you felt something more than that when we opened up to one another. i know you still like her, and i could've been selfish enough to make you mine. but i like you; and i chose not to have you for myself. because i could never compete with a girl you already love since day one. so, i hope you get the fries you wanted :) i hope you're happy with her.

I feel alone.

ikaw lang naman ang gusto ko eh. kaya ko namang nasa tabi mo habang naghheal ka sa mga problems mo in life. pero bakit kailangan mo akong bitawan?

I have always believe in you ever since we were kids. You've always been special. Not everyone is going to hurt you and leave, learn to embrace your vulnerability too. Even if you pushed me away, I will still be here to support you from the distance. Wala ka nang kailangan patunayan, Dom. You're doing well. Hope you get your fuel back. Cant wait to see you ignite once again. 🤍

you were supposed to be my mother. no child should have to go through what you put me through.

unfortunately, i'll always feel guilty for choosing myself

is it ok for people to make mistake to someone they love pure-heartedly?

How I wish we had talked more and been more honest with ourselves. That one year of our relationship made me realize how lonely I truly am and how much I needed you. I really wanted us to grow old together, but as philosophers say, some things are meant to come to an end. Please forgive me for all my shortcomings and for the times I failed to truly understand you. Despite everything, I hope you are happy now. -jc

i wish im not the kid my parents have to worry about all the time. i wish im smarter, like my younger sibling. i know my parents love all of us equally, but im afraid im not what they would have wanted. i have been diagnosed with depression and im on meds for almost an year now.

Why is your love for me conditional? All I have ever wanted is to make you proud. Why am I not enough?

sometimes i think i hate you more than i love myself, and i’m scared that it’ll consume me

I'm allowed to be sad too, but I don't think people understand that.

para lahat kay lola.

i really wanted that job badly. i may act im fine but im not

sometimes i see my sibling with a happy loving mother and im jealous. because I never got that mom. I never got the mom who would say happy birthday let alone remember when it was. and i wish i did.

this will be the last time that i will talk about them, nor try to think about them. i think its time for me to let go of those wonderful memories that i know myself will never come back. everyone had already outgrew me and i think that’s the end of this friendship with them. it was a wonderful year spent with them, and i’m forever grateful to have friends like them. i hope they do win in life cause i’ll be rooting for them. and i hope they find peace and harmony in whatever they do. thank you all.

Am I unlovable, unlikeable and just another speck of dust in this universe? That I don't matter?

i hate that you have a perfect relationship with my siblings, but you left me broken and crying out for help. i never understood what i did to deserve the anger you released onto me. is that how all mothers act? i hide in the shadows to remain unseen and unheard so you don’t hurt me anymore.

i think we all live in blissful ignorance as children. or i hope we all do. sometimes i wish for one day, i could get rid of everything bad i know, and be a child in that bedroom again. I miss the wood lined walls, the echo of laughter. The ghosts left behind of me, i crave to retrace my steps.

i just hope one day, you'll treat me the way I wanted to be treated.

You deserve friendships that don’t make you question your place

I'm now 24yo and I'm regretting every decision i made for the past 8 years. I just wish I could go back from the past. I don't want to feel this anymore.

I'm now 24yo and I'm regretting every decision i made for the past 8 years. I just wish I could go back from the past. I don't want to feel this anymore.

I got tired of making things easier for the people around me. Coz at the end of the day, I am still the bad person. I dont know what i’ve done wrong. I hope they realized, how many dreams I’ve lost just to make their lives easier. I give up. I just give up

Before my dad passed away. I held his hand and creased it he said he loved me and called me by my favorite nickname. I left the room and was met with my mom who was crying telling me to pray for him to get better, i brushed it off saying i know he will bounce back from it like nothing ever happened. He didn't. He passed away the day after. My inner child thought my parents are immortal. I wish I prayed for him that night.

I think i never healed my abandonment issues. Maybe I keep silence about but everytime someone enter the wall I build i always leave first. I don't think i can love anyone because of this trauma i never ask for.

I Hate getting flashbacks from things I don't want to remember. It feels like my heart suddenly drops and anxiety starts taking me over.

To my boyfriend, I love you, so much that I am scared that one day you will just slip away from my arms.

I am achieving all of my dreams and desires. ✨🙏🏼

For my entire life, my mom chose that she wants me to pursue medicine, it has always been her choice. Not mine.

I've always been shamed by my mother for having an anxiety disorder, she's always thought of me as something so wrong because of my illness, something that has to be fixed. And while I want to get better I'm afraid if I get out of this she'll be right all along.

i have to convince myself that i wouldn’t be the same if it didn’t happen but maybe i would’ve been a better version of myself than i am now

i really wanted that job badly. i may act im fine but im not

when I was with you I was bright golden like the sun

i’m still grieving the person i once was and i am wasting the present living in the past

It still makes me wonder why you have to cheat when we were so happy… First time experiencing this and ngayon alam ko na, hindi pala talaga madali. Akala ko gawa-gawa or gustong katangahan lang ng mga tao yung niloko sila pero hindi sila makaalis. Mahirap pala talaga. We were together for years… Idk if tama pa na kinakausap pa kita pero hindi tayo, hindi ko alam kung anong gusto mong patunayan sa paghihintay mo kahit niloko mo na ako.. Hindi ko na alam. At this point, I’m not sure anymore if I really love you or I’m just used to having you and your presence around.

Hey...!! Mi Vida i still love you even though you hurt me

So much sadness inside me i cannot even explain

How can I say to my family that I was sexually abused when I was a kid by someone they treated as a family.

There are certain people in life which you don't know too much, but you feel like they brighten up your life in some weird way only you get and understand deeply.

i would rather die remembering the things I shouldn’t than remember none of them at all

im just so tired. nothing seems to work and im just done.

Last year when I was in a depression, I was thinking of ending my own life, you know why I didn't do it, bcuz am not brave enough to do it. And I will never do it, bcuz now I started loving myself thanks to you

why do i still keep going back to you, knowing the things you did to me?

i wish i could tell whether or not it was all my fault

I hope you never did this to anyone else.

In the most selfish way possible, I wanted to be the only one who got to witness who you were becoming. I wanted front row seats to every version of you. The healed one. The softer one. The one who finally learns how to sleep peacefully at night. The one who laughs without forcing it. The one who stops apologizing for taking up space. I wanted to be there through all of it. Not just for the pretty moments people post online, but for the ugly, human parts too. The breakdowns at unreasonable hours. The days you’d grow distant and impossible to understand. The silent car rides. The self-doubt. The healing. I wanted to stay long enough to memorize the way pain slowly left your body. And maybe that’s what hurts the most now — knowing someday someone else might witness the parts of you I prayed to see. Someone else might hear the stories you never got to finish telling me. Someone else might hold your hand through the things I begged the universe to let me survive beside you for. It’s selfish, I know. But love made me greedy for your future. I didn’t just love who you were. I loved who you were on your way to becoming, and I wanted so badly to be there when you finally arrived.

I hate seeing you happy without me. Why couldn’t you be like that with me.

My brother & I were close growing up & were the only other person that understood what struggles we faced at home & could vent to. As an adult I’ve been healing & cutting ties with abusive family & making boundaries. This journey has been extremely hard, but it’s been harder losing the connection with my trauma partner along the way. He has done some hurtful things toward me & it’s sad to not feel the bond in understanding we once had. I wish he could open his eyes to how bad things were/are & do the work, but I also know how heart breaking it can be & don’t wish that pain on him. I know it’s easier to stay blinded. I just hate we feel more like strangers now.

You broke me in a way I didn’t think you could and I built myself back up.

I just wish I could be in a room with you, and ask you questions like nothing else in the world matters. Like your favorite color and things about your past and secrets you’ve kept. I miss you and I don’t even know you. I want you so bad. I wish I could tell you everything. I wish I could look into your eyes right now and just tell you everything I’m feeling. I really do want to be loved by her. It’s really hard being around you when there’s so much I want to say but too scared to say anything. You’ll never know how much I love you, how much I want you to hold me.

Im tired of letting everything you did affect me for longer than you did it. I wish you stopped dragging me down when youve already left.

i’m so tired, but i need to keep moving forward

sa tatay kong ibinigay kmi sa ibang family, thankful ako sa gnawa kahit may kunting galit pa sa puso ko.

You’re the reason why I am here. I’m much better than you. I always did my best, you didn’t even care, your loss.

i hope you'll see how much you mean to me, despite everything

I feel like I haven’t accomplished anything compared to my peers

I wish i was brave enough to make myself feel better and not be depressed again

im so inlove with sadness i became a friend to it

I dont know how much longer I can take this. I dont feel like myself anymore

" I saved myself then and I'll save myself now but sometimes I wonder what it's like to be saved "

i miss you, i always want to try to talk to you but whenever i do, i feel like im being pushy and forcing u to talk to me. i miss you

being forced to face that you weren’t actually as invincible as we all thought is what hurt the most.

i want to quit smoking and hooking up until it’s too late :)

I still think about how our life could be if we were together

I hope that when you go to the places we went to together, it stings. It stings with the realisation that you broke all promises to go there again. You said you loved me so much you couldnt take it, and I still felt unloved and kept begging for your love. You said you'd listen to me but I didn't feel heard, or seen. And still somehow, you were the one who left. You called me the brightest star and ended up eclipsing me for life.

I was 4 years old by that time and I was molested by my 14 year old cousin. No one in my family knows about it. I do not know how to tell it to them. I am now 24 years old and my cousin already had his own family. He already moved on and I know that he already forgot what he did to me on that room. But it is still vivid, and from time to time it still haunts me.

please don’t come back.

I wish you didn’t succeed in 2016. I still imagine you coming home one day and wish I could wake up from this nightmare

steph, sorry for not meeting you before your flight to america. i think a part of me was scared that if i saw you one last time, the feelings i kept hidden behind friendship would finally slip out. you only knew me as someone close to you, while i quietly carried something heavier in silence. so instead of risking the comfort of what we were, i chose distance — and let my goodbye remain unsaid, just like the truth i never had the courage to tell you. dv

There's zero reason for me to hold on to you. You add no value to my life. No emotional support, can't love me right... You're not even funny anymore. I just feel so sorry for you, that no one seems to want to take you in.

Hindi ko palang kailangan ng tao para mahanap ang sarili ko. Hindi ko din alam pano hanapin ang sarili ko. Feels like im lost in a woods. How to get out?

I became so addicted to you every time we wouldn’t talk I lost more and more of myself.

Sometimes I fear that mornings with me reminds you of how you first had it. Were you the happiest when it was her? Was it worth sharing for when it was her? Was complimenting her easier than it was for someone that looks beautiful optionally? Was mentioning her still give you the spark it once had?

“I guess some questions are better left unanswered.”

if your mother knew what you did to me, she would cry herself to sleep every night.

I feel like my teenage insecurities reincarnated noong nagkaroon ng pageant dito sa University namin noong nagkaroon ng fair dito katatapos ko lang sa OJT ko noon at noong sumama ako sa Grand parade bilang simula ng university fair namin nakita ko yung mga pambato ng mga iba't ibang College departments kasama na dun yung sa amin--- nung nakita ko sila ang gwapo at ang gaganda nila. Pakiramdam ko nanliit ako noong nakita ko sila --- hindi dahil gusto kong sumali sa mga pageant -- ayoko -- kung hindi sa kadahilanang inaamin ako na kinompara ko yung sarili ko sa kanila --- bakit kaya hindi ako kasing gwapo nung mga lalaking kasali dun --- ampuputi ang kikinis nila o kahit Moreno yung ibang contestant dun ang gwapo pa din --- feeling ko pag tumabi sila sa akin gagwapo sila lalo dahil sa itsura ko --- kaya inaamin ko rin na hindi ko maiwasang mapatingin sa social media accounts nila kumbaga napunta ako doomscrolling dahil dun --- ang sakit-sakit lang kasi maramdaman na naiinggit ako hindi dahil gusto silang siraan kung hindi dahil hindi ko maiwasang maikompara ang itsura ko sa kanilang lahat --- sa lahat ng lugar dun pa talaga sa event na yun --- I was admiring all of them from afar I was mesmerized by their looks --- little did I know that my insecurities returned when I already dumped it when I was 15,16 or 17 years old now that I am in my 20s and in college as well.

It's easy to say "just get over it", but you don't really know what goes through someone's mind to actually try to move on from it.

i would rather die remembering the things I shouldn’t than remember none of them at all

I feel like my teenage insecurities reincarnated noong nagkaroon ng pageant dito sa University namin noong nagkaroon ng fair dito katatapos ko lang sa OJT ko noon at noong sumama ako sa Grand parade bilang simula ng university fair namin nakita ko yung mga pambato ng mga iba't ibang College departments kasama na dun yung sa amin--- nung nakita ko sila ang gwapo at ang gaganda nila. Pakiramdam ko nanliit ako noong nakita ko sila --- hindi dahil gusto kong sumali sa mga pageant -- ayoko -- kung hindi sa kadahilanang inaamin ako na kinompara ko yung sarili ko sa kanila --- bakit kaya hindi ako kasing gwapo nung mga lalaking kasali dun --- ampuputi ang kikinis nila o kahit Moreno yung ibang contestant dun ang gwapo pa din --- feeling ko pag tumabi sila sa akin gagwapo sila lalo dahil sa itsura ko --- kaya inaamin ko rin na hindi ko maiwasang mapatingin sa social media accounts nila kumbaga napunta ako doomscrolling dahil dun --- ang sakit-sakit lang kasi maramdaman na naiinggit ako hindi dahil gusto silang siraan kung hindi dahil hindi ko maiwasang maikompara ang itsura ko sa kanilang lahat --- sa lahat ng lugar dun pa talaga sa event na yun --- I was admiring all of them from afar I was mesmerized by their looks --- little did I know that my insecurities returned when I already dumped it when I was 15,16 or 17 years old now that I am in my 20s and in college as well.

I never knew how you really felt and I never will but you not being here is worse I wanted you to be healthy and happy no matter who it was with and you deserved that I love you and if I could’ve done more I’m sorry and I’ll miss you forever

Sometimes when I’m about to sleep I keep thinking of all the words I should’ve said.

Dear Geloy, I’ve been following your project for the longest time. I’ve grown older, and it brings be great comfort reading messages that make me feel not so alone. I am so so so tired. It’s so hard to go on. This isn’t a cry for help. Rather, I don’t know what to do anymore. Nothing seems to be going right and I’m so tired. I feel like everybody hates me. Why is it so hard to get someone to care? Am I that worthless? I’m struggling to understand what’s my depression and what’s real. I wish I didn’t exist. I wish I was loved. Thanks for listening.

I lost my mother to my own identity and it hurts. I used to be her rock and now I'm the source of all her problems. Why did I have to come out to her?

ive been pretty open with my feelings but sometimes i don't want someone to give me a solution. i just want someone to listen and to understand how hard it is and just validate my feelings for once in my life.

There's no more. No more stars in my eyes. No more butterflies in my stomach. No more glitter that I see around you. I see you for what you are now. You've hurt me. You ruined my peace. It sucks. I just want myself back.

Im tired of all of this is wish everything will be OK :>>>

I wish that I have taken care of myself better.